I’d like to post some cute little saying or link to a song like Britney Spears’ “Oops I Did It Again” but the reality is…
I’m a freaking addict.
Sugar is my drug.
I use it in the same way alcoholics use booze, the same way smokers use cigarettes, the same way that junkies use their drug of choice.
To feel better.
To mask uncomfortable feelings.
To get that *hit* of whatever endorphin, hormone, or whatever it is in the reward center of my brain that lights up when the sugar hits my system.
The sad part is, I was off sugar. I was clean in that regard. I’d gone through the detox. Sugary stuff tasted too sweet to me.
And now I get to do it again.
Detox from the white stuff. Go through the headaches, the lethargy, the moodiness again.
All because of a cookie? A chocolate bar? A piece of cake? I don’t remember… isn’t that sad? I don’t remember what it was that led me down to yesterdays binge of a box of cookies, a chocolate bar, a litre of pop, a piece of 3 layer cake, and… crap I can’t even remember everything I ate yesterday. But by the end of it, I felt like utter crap.
I had a headache. I was tired. I felt ill.
I have 2 1/2 weeks until I hit 2 years since Mark died. And I’m detoxing now on purpose.
I’m going to use the things I know make me feel better – exercise, whole foods, and writing – and focus on the happy, the good, the awesome memories.
This is an emotional time for me. But now – I’m going to create a life that is active and healthy and where I use healthy methods of coping with my emotions. I’m going to teach the 5 boys in my house how to deal with stress and frustration on a much healthier level… as I learn it myself.
Sugar detox – here I come.
Time to reconnect with my AP’s and my Questies and myself.