Back On Skates

Holy effin hell.

Being back on skates after 6 weeks off was… interesting.

My back hurt.

My feet hurt.

My legs hurt.

I was unstable and wobbly.

I missed skating – but tonight felt like it did back at the beginning.

I’m looking forward to next practice when I am not as wobbly.

Tomorrow one of my teammates and I are going to do a walk together – we both need to get into derby fit.

I’m looking forward to getting to know her better and exploring the area I live in.

I’m looking forward to May 10th – playing in the bout in Terrace and seeing an old friend.

Skating rocks.  Derby rocks.  My team rocks.  I’m really freaking excited to be back on skates.

Jane Bouting

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I am an Athlete

At 235lbs, you wouldn’t normally hear someone say “I am an athlete.”

But I am.

I am because I am focussed on where I want to be.

I am fit.

I am healthy.

I am a runner.

I am a blocker and can jam for my derby team.

I am an athlete.

I refuse to be anything else.

Because I am worth it.


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Scheduling Workouts

I think there’s a part of me that feels like I’m not important.

Like I don’t have the same priority as the kids or the man or other things going on.

I tell myself I’ll do this or do that (all designed to put me first) and then blow it off.

There’s always a really REALLY REALLY good reason. excuse.


Sometimes the reasons are valid.   But more often – it’s not.  I’m just blowing myself off.  I’m just breaking promises to myself.

And so I’ve come to a place of I’m not worth the time, effort, or priority.

But I am.  And I know I am.

Today, with my accountability partner, we’ve agreed to workout around 2pm.

I put it in my calendar.

Workout Calendar


I’ve scheduled this time much like I’d schedule a doctor’s appointment or a dentist appointment or a chiropractor or massage therapy.

I schedule it because it is AS IMPORTANT, if not more, that I do my workout.  That I train.  That I focus on getting myself healthy and fit.

This is as important as the doctor or dentist or chiropractor in keeping me healthy and helping me live a long healthy happy life.

Because I am worth it.

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Sore Feet

I have sore feet.

It was bout night, and instead of playing, due to my head, I was head NSO’ing.

I did my usual run around the arena.

Today, I put 8000+ steps in.

I’m pretty sure that I put the majority of those steps in the last 3 hours.

My feet are sore.

I’m tired.

But happy.

May 10 is our next bout – 10 hours away.

I am *so* looking forward to being bout ready…

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Effing Concussion

Tonight was my first derby practice since I hit my head.  I was so freaking excited about going and playing on the concrete floor.

I pulled out my bin o’gear.

I swapped my wheels to indoor wheels.

I tried on my Siren’s uniform.

I took a picture of me in it.

I cried a bit realizing I’d never wear it as a Siren.

I swapped out the top for a different one.

I went to derby practice.

Beginning of practice went well.

I was keeping up with the expected pace for warm up.

And then…  I don’t know what happened.

I started getting dizzy.

And then my head started hurting.

And started hurting more.

And it felt exactly like the headache I had after I hit my head 4 1/2 weeks ago.

I did not gear up.

I’m so freaking pissed off about it.

I was looking forward to being on skates – I need derby like I need to breathe.  I need the break.  I need the physicality.  I need to skate.

And it didn’t happen.

So yeah.  I’m not happy about this.   It’s suggested I should go to the doctor this week because the headache came back.

I may go.  I may not.  It depends on if I wake up with a headache tomorrow.

Sirens Uniform

So this is me, in my Siren’s uniform – probably the last time I’ll wear it – but I wanted to see how it looked on me.  Next time I take a picture it will be in my Gold Pain Uniform…


Time to chill again… I want to be on skates… but my brain is more important…


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Start of Day

In every (what I call) reputable weight loss/get fit/get healthy program I’ve seen/heard about/read about, there is one consistency:  Eat Breakfast.

In 1FW the recommendation is eat breakfast (including a protein) and drink at least one glass of water within the first hour of getting up.

Here’s my problem:

I don’t have the cognitive skills first thing in the morning to cook myself breakfast or plan a meal.

Boxed cereal looks good – but it’s not clean, nor does it have the protein requirement.

If I start cooking eggs – the kids will want some and then that’s a BIG production (I have 5 boys to get ready in the morning) and I also have to make lunches, herd the kids in the right directions and perhaps shower.

Oatmeal (especially with egg whites) is a hit or miss with the boys in my house – and if I start cooking it for me… well… see the problem?

So I’ve been sorta avoiding the whole breakfast in the morning thing.

This results in being STARVED by 9am when the caffeine has kicked in and I finally have time and space to cook something for myself.

Not good. Not good.

This morning I switched my thinking around a bit.  There’s nothing saying I have to have a full on meal first thing.

Oh wait!  Light bulb!!!

light bulb


I can have a… SNACK!

20 almonds and a banana.   Some protein.  Some good fat.  Some good fibre.  Some good sugar.

And 3 cups of water (my water bottle holds that – so I just drink one bottle of water).

And finally my coffee.

Yeah.  Better start to the day.  Fueling my body.

We’re not going to talk about the 4.30am alarm that’s been going off lately…. LOL

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Ignorance Is Not Bliss

Ignorance is a size 22 ass.

Ignorance is lethargy incarnate.

Ignorance is poisoning my body.

Ignorance is unhealthy.

Ignorance is most definitely NOT bliss.

Well…. it might be for the 5 minutes it takes to eat the Black Forest Cake I’m making for my stepson’s birthday.

But once entered into myfitnesspal and realizing that for a slice (cake divvy’d up 8 ways) it would cost me 915 calories – and that is TWO THIRDS of my daily caloric intake… then it stops being bliss.

Because I’m now aware.  And I’m unwilling to eat 915 calories… despite Black Forest Cake being my all time favourite (chocolate and cherries and whipped cream… *sigh*)

Because skinny feels better than that piece of cake will taste.     Because my man messaged me the other night and said “Junk food?  Or being small enough that I can lift you up…?”  which curbed cravings almost instantly.

Because I’m willing to feel awesome when April 1 rolls around and I do measurements and see how much I’ve lost – and maybe I’ll even wander over to my doctor’s office and do the weight thing.

Ignorance is not bliss.  But it comes wrapped up in a pretty chocolate cherry covering…. which will go straight to my hips.

Black Forest Cake

(image taken from – this happens to be the cake I’m making)

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