I Made Excuses, I Have Regrets

One Fit Widow has put on this challenge – No Excuses, No Regrets. 

My excuse is lack of time. 

I was determined to kick it. 

And then… I didn’t. 

And then… I had less time. 

And I’m exhausted. 

And I’m not comfortable with my body – how it moves, how it feels, how it looks. 

I know logically to feel better I must first push past that initial excuse and keep doing it every day – because the more I work out, the more I train, the better I eat, the better I feel

And then I won’t be exhausted anymore. 


I made excuses.  I did not kick my excuse to the curb. 

Good thing I can start over anytime…. 

Motivation Quote

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Practice Last Night

I hadn’t been at practice since the bout.  To be fair – there had only been one practice since then – but prior to the bout, I hadn’t been at many practices either. 

I get to the arena and it’s hot.  Really hot.  Damn hot.  (insert Robin Williams from Good Morning Vietnam here lol)

And I’m already dehydrated. 

Drink my water. 

Get more water. 

And do the warm up.

I was a tiny bit worried about heat exhaustion – so I didn’t push myself as hard as I normally do during warm up – I was already fairly warm. 

And then Coach starts our practice with laps.   The dreaded 27 in 5.   Only… I don’t dread it anymore. 

I wasn’t pushing myself.  I had eaten a huge meal just before practice (BAD MOVE!!!).  I was overheated.  I was tired. 

I still got 25 without pushing.  If I had pushed I probably could have gotten 2 – 3 laps more without TOO much effort. 

Because I had coasted for a while – and at the end, after I hit 25… I just… rolled for about 10 seconds.  

Don’t get me wrong – I was moving hard.  I pushed myself to move when I didn’t want to.

But I could have pushed harder.  I could have made 27 fairly easily. 

Next time?  I’m going to push, just that tiny bit harder, to see how fast I can go. 

Next time… I’m going to bring more water LMFAO. 

It was a good practice.  It’s nice to feel strong and powerful.   I’ve been feeling lost and weak lately. 

Thanks Coach. 

Jane Bouting



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I learned two very important lessons from tonight’s bout.

1.  If I don’t go to practice – it doesn’t matter that I passed the fit test, I will not be as on my game as I would have been.
2. Just because I managed to dig deep enough to pass the fit test doesn’t mean I actually AM fit enough to play.

I kept up.  I had fun.  I fell on my ass.  I was sent to the penalty box 2X. I fell behind. I got hit.  I got hit again.  I got hit again.  I DIDN’T get hit because someone thought I was “too intimidating” I got hit again, this time between TWO opposing players.  I had a panick attack and almost burst into tears when a team member got hurt enough to be taken away by ambulance.  I saw her at the afterparty and wanted to cry again. I went to the after party and connected with someone I have a lot in common with.  My body hurts.  I stink like derby.

I get to do it again in three weeks.

I’ll be at every practice I can.   I have a friend coming through town on a couple derby nights – but I think I’ll be ok trying to figure out how to do derby and still see him.

But I need that practice WITH the team – and need to keep my head focussed and in the game.

I can’t wait to do it again in three weeks.

2014-05-31 Moshin MommaI really need to get an updated derby photo of me :P  Although the one below is still my fave:

Jane Bouting



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Derby post Bout

I took 2? Weeks off derby. Maybe 3.  I can’t remember exactly when I was in Kelowna.

But I stopped playing – I stopped practicing.

It was exhaustion at first.  I was sooooooooooo tired.

Then, it was a sucky crappy month.

And this week is the worst.

But by Saturday, all the sucky crappy stuff will be gone and I want to play in the bout.

So I forced myself to go tonight to do the fit test that would allow me to play on Saturday.

Let me tell you what.   Not playing for 2 or 3 weeks – then doing a balls to the walls fit test?  Leaves your legs like rubber.

Leaves you breathless.   Leaves you feeling as sluggish as you’d been for the past few weeks

But I did it.  I get to play on Saturday.   So now ya know.

Show up.  Come out and support the derby team.   Tickets at the door.   Twin Arenas in Quesnel, yo.

Come out and watch me play :)

2014-05-31 Moshin Momma

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Detox from Sugar – Redux

I’d like to post some cute little saying or link to a song like Britney Spears’ “Oops I Did It Again”  but the reality is…

I’m a freaking addict.

Sugar is my drug.

I use it in the same way alcoholics use booze, the same way smokers use cigarettes, the same way that junkies use their drug of choice.

To feel better.

To mask uncomfortable feelings.

To get that *hit* of whatever endorphin, hormone, or whatever it is in the reward center of my brain that lights up when the sugar hits my system.

The sad part is, I was off sugar.  I was clean in that regard.  I’d gone through the detox.   Sugary stuff tasted too sweet to me.

And now I get to do it again.

Detox from the white stuff.   Go through the headaches, the lethargy, the moodiness again.

All because of a cookie?  A chocolate bar? A piece of cake?  I don’t remember… isn’t that sad?   I don’t remember what it was that led me down to yesterdays binge of a box of cookies, a chocolate bar, a litre of pop, a piece of 3 layer cake, and… crap I can’t even remember everything I ate yesterday.   But by the end of it, I felt like utter crap.

I had a headache.  I was tired.  I felt ill.

I have 2 1/2 weeks until I hit 2 years since Mark died.   And I’m detoxing now on purpose.

I’m going to use the things I know make me feel better – exercise, whole foods, and writing – and focus on the happy, the good, the awesome memories.

This is an emotional time for me.    But now – I’m going to create a life that is active and healthy and where I use healthy methods of coping with my emotions.   I’m going to teach the 5 boys in my house how to deal with stress and frustration on a much healthier level… as I learn it myself.

Sugar detox – here I come.

Time to reconnect with my AP’s and my Questies and myself.

Exercise Underutilized

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Riding a Big Bike

In 2009, my late husband had a heart attack.  He had been having chest pains for about 2 weeks prior, but neglected to tell me because he figured they were related to his ankylosing spondylitis.

That changed our world forever.

Then 3 months later, he had another one.

I wouldn’t have gotten another 3 years with him, without the amazing skills of the doctors and nurses.   All of which was backed by the reasearch done by the Heart and Stroke Foundation.

In just over a week, I’ll be doing the Big Bike Ride with the Heart & Stroke Foundation in Williams Lake.

I’m hoping to raise at least $250.

If you have $5, $10, $20 or more that you’re willing to donate – please go here to donate.

He died in June 2012.   In 23 days it will have been 2 years.   I recently was looking through old texts and saw one from him that said he was going to get serious now about losing weight and getting healthy.

3 days later he went into the hospital.

He didn’t die of a heart issue – although his heart was affected – but I believe that the pancreatitis came on as a result of the many medications he was on due to both the ankylosing spondylitis and the heart condition.

I am grateful for every day I got with him.   I want to help others have those days with their loved ones.

Mark with Dolly

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Oh the Bout!

How do I describe Saturday’s bout?

Physical.  Intense.  Focussed.

Physical:  the other team plays a physical, offensive game.  We play a more defensive game.  It took a bit to get used to that.   The floor was a sport court floor (hated it at the beginning, loved it by the end) and it made for some interesting skating.

Intense: Yeah, at one point I was standing on the line between a blocker and a jammer from the other team and I felt SHORT.  There was a couple of the other players who were just in your face, giving you the stink eye, trying to distract and intimidate you.   And then we all laughed and had fun at the after party.  It was awesome.

Focussed:  Sugar Rai as a line leader made it very easy to get focussed and calm.  Look at her and breathe… deep in and deep out.  Breathe.  Focus.  Don’t look at the track.  Focus.  It made me a better player, I think.

Best parts of the game:  Watching Trauma jump the over the Moon.  Getting first penalty and not knowing what the hell was going on and almost glad to be out of the frey and hearing the ref call “BLACK, 7K… whatever… DESTRUCTION OF PACK”  My derby number is 7KDZ… it made me giggle.   Being able to keep focused on where the jammer was and keep up with the rest of the team.   Making a new friend.

Worst part of the game: Psyching myself out at the beginning.  Thinking I wasn’t going to be able to cut it because in warm up I wore out quickly.   Having to say good-bye to Triple Threat.

2014-05-31 Triple Threat

My only injuries are a bruised thumb and a scrape on my right shin.   Overall – I came out of the game fairly unscathed.

2014-05-31 Moshin Momma


Next bout: June 28 in Quesnel.  That gives me a month to cross-train and get in shape so I can do better, feel better and perhaps avoid a penalty.

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