I have *missed* derby.

There was a practice in Prince George at the Rolla-dome on Sunday for the fresh meat.

I went with with.

I wanted to see where I was at after a summer of not doing much of anything.

I wasn’t in a good place.  Not really.

Good thing I don’t have to retest again – but I’m so going to more practices so I can get my “skate legs” back under me.

I also need to get back on my program.

And detox off sugar.

Depression and stress does funny things to me.  I don’t function well – and I revert to an unhealthy way of living and an unhealthy way of eating.

It’s not good.

I’ve gained weight.

I’ve lost energy.

I am kinda done.

I was happy a year ago.  Happy-ish.   Happier.

But derby.  Derby feeds my soul.  Derby keeps me sane.  Derby gives me all those good endorphins that help me feel good.

Eating healthy does that too.

Eating a bag of candies doesn’t.

Drinking a 2L of pop doesn’t.

Scarfing down a bunch of cookies doesn’t.

I want to be happy.   I want to feel good.  I want to be energetic.

And I want to be GOOD at derby.  Not just… “ok”

Jane Bouting

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I Lost My Mind

According to Albert Einstein, the definition of insanity is “Doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results”

Yeah.  I’ve been insane lately.

I’ve reverted back to eating habits that brought me to 270lbs.

I’ve reverted to exercise habits that left me gasping for air up a flight of stairs.

I’ver reverted to hydration habits that leaves me parched and sucking back whatever liquid that touches my lips like it’s the last liquid I’ll ever see.

And I’ve gone insane.

I’m not happy.  And I’ve been blaming it on other people.

I’m not happy because he’s not doing this.  Because the children ARE doing that.  Because no one is doing the other thing and I have to fucking do it ALL.

A conversation with the man and I went something along the lines of “I’m not telling you you’re doing it WRONG, just that it could be done DIFFERENT”

But the insanity, coupled with my depression and anxiety, added to the mix of not fueling my body correctly, left me feeling… inadequate.  Not good enough.  Not enough.

(oh wait!  that’s a long running theme from my childhood… never good enough)

My goal, for the last 11 weeks of this year, is to do the things I know work.

Follow my fitness program.  Eat clean, whole foods.  Assume the best of the people around me.  Love with my whole heart.   Love MYSELF and accept that I AM enough.  I am MORE than enough.

Because someone told me – and I don’t remember who – that the things I see reflected back at me are the things in myself I’m not happy with.

I want to be at peace with myself.  I want to be happy with myself.  I want to be ENOUGH for myself.

And then, when I’ve achieved that, I will FEEL that I am for everyone else.

We Believe

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Yoga Wore Me Out


27 mins of yoga.

3 hours of nap.

That’s how MY morning went…

Yoga Morning

But hey!!! I DID YOGA TODAY!

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Fire Truck Pull

Yeah.  That’s what I’ll be doing tomorrow.

Pulling a fire truck.

Me and my derby team.   Pulling.  A fire truck.

We’re raising funds for United Way.  All funds stay in our local community – go to already existing programs.

I’d like to raise $200.   Wanna help?

Click this link and donate.   I’ll post pics tomorrow.

In the meantime… I’m preparing for the fire truck pull by… chillaxing at home.

It’s going to be a good time tomorrow.

United Way

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The Spark

There is a spark.  Not a flame.  Not a fire.  But a spark.

A bit of something that says… “yes you can”

A bit of something that drives me to move.  To walk on my break.  To do my ab workout in full view of my mother in law and children.

A bit of warmth that tells me I’m moving forward and finding myself again.

I bit of something, a bit of spark that says… I can do this.

I WILL do this.

One. Baby step.  At a time.

Get Back Up

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Back TO Heath

I’m done with sabotaging myself (again). 

I’m done with feeling gross and fat and lethargic (again). 

I’m done. 

I’m back to challenging myself and pushing my limits and getting healthy. 

It’s good for my physical health.  

It’s good for my mental health. 

It’s good for the health of my relationship. 

It’s good for my relationship with my kids and step-kids. 

These two challenges are what I’m going to do for September. 

Plank Challenge: 

The 30 Day Plank Challenge will send your core strength through the roof! Yes, all you have to do is HOLD this position, nothing else! It looks pretty easy, but it isn’t!

Day 1 – 20 seconds
Day 2 – 20 seconds
Day 3 – 30 seconds
Day 4 – 30 seconds
Day 5 – 40 seconds
Day 6 – REST
Day 7 – 45 seconds
Day 8 – 45 seconds
Day 9 – 60 seconds
Day 10 – 60 seconds
Day 11 – 60 seconds
Day 12 – 90 seconds
Day 13 – REST
Day 14 – 90 seconds
Day 15 – 90 seconds
Day 16 – 120 seconds
Day 17 – 120 seconds
Day 18 – 150 seconds
Day 19 – REST
Day 20 – 150 seconds
Day 21 – 150 seconds
Day 22 – 180 seconds
Day 23 – 180 seconds
Day 24 – 210 seconds
Day 25 – 210 seconds
Day 26 – REST
Day 27 – 240 seconds
Day 28 – 240 seconds
Day 29 – 270 seconds

Burpee & Squat Challenge: 

Burpee and Squat Challenge

Tomorrow I’m going to get up early enough to do my 1FW workout.   And plan my day of food. 

I’m committing to getting healthy and fit. 

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Radio Silence

It’s been almost a month since my last blog post. 

Holy crap. 

I’ve been in survival mode – get up, go to work, come home, sleep.  Some days I didn’t make it home – went over to my sister’s place and slept there. 

My job was supposed to end in 5 days, but I accepted an extension (yay me!) which means another month of work, possibly long hours, possibly little sleep, and not much in the way of exercise. 

I’m kinda exhausted. 

I am really done with this job but will stick it out and do my best at it for the last 5 weeks because the money is good and at this time, I don’t have another source of income to make my bills. 

Sleep is at a premium.  I get, on average, about 6 hours of sleep a night.  Not much.  I can’t wait for school to star…. oh yeah.  Teacher’s strike. 

At least if school was in then I could put kids to bed at 8.30 and go to bed by 9.  I still could but then they’re up at 6. 

The job has been a good one.  A great learning curve.  Something I could see myself doing… when there’s no young kids in my house. 

But for now – I need something relatively part time, at home, and not 12 – 16 hours a day. 

And I will control the things I can control:  the food I eat, a walk at lunch time, and as much sleep as possible. 

In the meantime… 

Kids Gone Back To School

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