A Funny Thing Happened…

I got out of bed with my alarm (almost – I hit the snooze a couple times).

I got up, I put on workout clothes.

I went into my workout room.

I set up my music on my computer.

I mentally planned my run.  (2 mins warm up, alternating 1 min walk with 90 seconds run)

I thought I’d try something slightly different – instead of starting my runs at a higher mph – I’d build them up.  Start at 4, 4.5, 5, 5.5, 6.  Figured that would take me close to the 15 mins I had to run.

Let’s pause for a moment, shall we?  I have NEVER run anything more than 5mph.  That is my gold standard for the moment and I believe my top time at that was about a minute before I crapped out.

So letting that sink in…. I started my run.

Thought, 4mph, too slow.  I really need to run faster (who the hell is saying this? I don’t run FAST!! I barely shamble along!)

Easy recovery in the walk.

4.5mph… ok, getting there.  90 seconds is a bit of a struggle towards the end, but seriously do-able.

Slightly less easy recovery in the walk.

5mph… pushing myself here. Had my eye on the timer for the last 30 seconds telling myself “YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU CAN DO THIS!” And I MADE it to 90 seconds of running.

Walking… such relief.  What?  My minute is up already?

Ok, well screw this, I said I was doing 5.5mph.  30 seconds in my lungs are BURNING.  Sweat is dripping down my face. How the FUCK am I going to make 90 seconds?

Short answer is I don’t.  And that’s ok.  Because I just motherfucking RAN for at 5.5mph for a minute. A very long, painful minute.  Wait… my minute walk is over already?  Do I dare?

I’m not going to lie.  The thought of hitting the lovely 6mph button terrified me.  But I thought… what do I have to lose?  I gave myself an extra 15 seconds of recovery at my walk and then it was go time.  I can do 45 seconds at 6mph, right?

I was wrong.  Very wrong.

I can do a full MINUTE.

I took the last 2 mins to cool down.

And then… I marveled at myself.

I ran.  6mph.  For 60 full seconds.

And then… I did a minute plank.

Yeah.   A funny thing happened.  And I think it may happen again tomorrow.

Oh and…

I saw this number again this morning:

Scale August 5 2013

The funny thing is… I’ve never been a yo-yo dieter.  I’ve never lost then gained weight.  And in the last 3 1/2 years I lost 40lbs then gained them back.  I’m currently on the down trend again…. and this number is a happy one for me.

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It’s Not Just Physical Health

It’s mental, emotional, spiritual health.

It’s social, occupational, and environmental health.

There’s a whole gamut of areas of health that are important for me to pay attention to.

When I’m not emotionally or mentally healthy, I don’t have the energy to be physically healthy.  The weight of the emotional or mental pain I’m in physically drags me down.  I can barely think. I can’t get off the couch.  Running seems to be an insurmountable task.

It’s not just about getting off the couch to do it.  I can run a freaking marathon.  But I can’t get moving.

So I have to address all those facets of my life as I walk this different path and make changes in my life.

I need to address my spiritual health.  I haven’t been meditating like I used to.  I haven’t been practicing my craft.  I haven’t been spending time in nature.

I need to address my mental health.  I need time and space to cry, to laugh, to empathise with others.

I need to address my emotional health.  I need to be willing to RECOGNIZE those feelings and allow them to come out in a way that’s healthy.  That’s productive.  That will allow me to move through those feelings instead of getting stuck.

When I’ve done those things, even if it takes away from the workout I need, I feel better.  I feel healthier.

One of my major sources of stress in the past month has been related to occupational health.  I loved my summer job.  I really loved it.  I was really good at it.  And I’ve chosen a change of career.  The change of career will allow me to work closer to home, will allow me to have more time with my kids and grandkids during the summer and will allow me to have a flexible schedule that I can work around my life.

But ho-lee-effers is the summer job fun.  And did I mention I’m good at it? And my boss loves me?  And will miss me? And that’s the FIRST FREAKING TIME that a boss has loved me and will miss me?

And yet, I will (I’m 99% sure) turn it down.  Tomorrow is recall day.  And I will turn it down.  Even though I’m good at it.  And my boss loves me.  And I loved it.

Why you ask?  Because it won’t be good for my emotional or mental health.  I will be away from my family, away from my home, away from my LIFE for the majority of the summer.  I will not see my kids or grandkids.  I WILL come out of it with a shit ton of money.. but I will have lost another summer.  And I’m not a winter girl. I’m a summer baby.  Give me sun.  And tents.  And lakes.  And fishing.  And swimming.  And I’m happy girl.

So it’s not just about how healthy it is for me occupationally.  It’s also about how healthy it is for me emotionally and mentally and spiritually and… well… its gotta be said… physically.  Because getting deployed… as lucrative as it is… is hard on my hips.   They feed you VERY well when you’re deployed. VERY well indeed.

So for this year, I’m passing on the Wildfire…. I’m almost 100% certain.  Because it’s the right thing to do overall.  I don’t know if being a nurse is the right thing for me… but I do know that I will regret it if I don’t give it an honest try.

Because, yanno… my family is worth it.   And so am I.

We Believe

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Fuck that shit!

My week has been full of “fuck that shit… I’m doing it”

I hurt at derby practice on Sunday.  Sat down in the middle of the track in the middle of an endurance drill.   Sat there for 15 seconds or so and mentally said “Fuck that shit, I’m going to FINISH this!” … we were only halfway through the drill.  And I did.

I was struggling last night at derby practice.  Thought about sitting it out for a bit. Figured, no biggie, it’s just another practice… and then my brain said “Fuck that shit. You’re going to finish practice!”  And I did.

This morning, my alarm went off.  Hit the snooze button.  Lyndy didn’t call to get my ass out of bed. I was tired.  I wanted to snooze until the last minute.  But there it was again… “Fuck that shit.  You don’t need LYNDY to remind you to work out.  You KNOW you need to run.  Get the fuck UP!”  … and I did.

Changing my eating habits seems to be changing my attitude.  I’m not sure quite how the switch got flipped, but I’ve got a whole lotta “FUCK THAT SHIT” going on.

My major goal in personal fitness excluding playing roller derby is to run every morning.  Eventually work up to a full workout in the mornings, but for now, baby steps and I want to run.

My brain is full of excuses “you don’t have time”  “you need sleep” “you can’t get a full workout in anyhow so what’s the point” “it takes more time to gear up and set up than to do the run so why bother?”

And to my brain… I say “FUCK THAT SHIT”

Because even the 14 mins of run/walk I did this morning is better than staying in bed. And it only took me 5 mins of setting up/getting ready – and I did a 14 min walk/run so FUCK THAT SHIT.

I will work out in the mornings.

I have no excuses.

Now excuse me, the 15 mins of workout was the perfect time to boil eggs for breakfast (which I put on before I went to run) and they’re ready.

 

 

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Things, they are a’changing…

I have been quietly making changes.

6 days ago, I gave up sugar.  You know, the processed white stuff?  I call it poison.  Because it is.  It makes me tired, sluggish and fat.   I hate how I feel eating it.  I hate how I feel when I’m crashing.  I hate how I feel with it in my system.

So 6 days ago… I stopped.  I had one last coffee with sugar and cream, and called it a day.  A side effect of the sugar ban is the lack of coffee.  I can’t drink it without sugar. So.

I went through 3 days of hell.

Three days of headaches, tired beyond tired, and wondering what the hell I was doing it for.

And I kept it up.  Peppermint green tea curbed the caffeine cravings.   Smoothies with no sweetener curbed the intensity of the sugar cravings.

And now, it’s been 6 days.

There has been adjustments.  Changes.  Things that have surprised me.

  1. I have more energy.
  2. I sleep better.
  3. I have more stamina.
  4. I don’t crave it.
  5. I drink WAY more water.
  6. My mindset has changed with respect to other things.

Since the sugar exodus, I’m willing to try harder.

Roller derby practice? I push myself more.  I’m less likely to give up. I work harder.

But best of all… I don’t feel exhausted all the time.  I sleep, I wake, I make it through the day without falling asleep in my chair.

I’m saving money.  NO more donuts, drive through coffee (and fries), nothing.

Tonight?  I was ready for bed at 6.20.  Went to derby practice half hour later and pushed myself harder than I ever have.  Now, it’s an hour and a half past derby and I’m not feeling the post-derby crash.  I do have to go to bed though, I have an early class and tomorrow’s class is my blood pressure skills test.

But overall?

Best thing I’ve ever done.

I highly recommend it.

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Goal Setting

In one of my LPN courses, we’re doing an assignment on goal setting.

Set a goal.  Meet the goal.  Cheer about meeting the goal. (I’m not sure it’s as easy as that, because I haven’t fully looked over the assignment.)

My problem?

Everytime I’ve set a goal for myself… I’ve let it drop.

“30 day challenge!!!”  gave up 12 days in.

“Lose 5lbs!” Ok, I once did that, but I’ve gained it back.

“Save $500” Ummm… *looks at the cobwebs in her wallet*

So for me, goal setting seems to have the opposite effect.  Or maybe I’m not motivated enough to meet that goal?  I don’t know.

But here I am.  Goal setting again.

On February 7, it’s our skills test for roller derby.   Because I took a season off, I’m retesting.   The struggle, as it always is, is the Derby Mile – 27 laps in 5 minutes.

That is my goal.

So – using SPR SMART:

Self-Controlable – Yep, this is all on me.
Public – HEY! I blogged about it!
Reward – I haven’t figured out this one yet.  What will my reward be for passing?

Specific – Skate 27 laps in 5 minutes.
Measurable – yep.  5 mins.  27 laps.
Attainable – Everyone tells me it is.  I think it is.
Realistic – Everyone tells me it is.
Timely – there is a definite timeline.

So there it is folks.   My goal – for my class assignment and for myself.

Pass the 27 in 5 on February 7.

To do this my plan is:

  1. Run on my treadmill every day I’m not at skating practice.
  2. My weight routine every day I’m not at practice.
  3. Clean eating.
  4. Lots of water, yo.

The added benefit of this is that I’ll lose weight.  That’s not my primary motivator – the 27 in 5 is – but it’s a benefit.

So hold me accountable, k?  I’m going to do this.  It’s 3 weeks of taking care of me and doing the things I need to do to get to the point I need to get.

I want to be this girl again.  She was strong.  She was getting fit.  And she is me.

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Cardio – Evil Incarnate – Tamed

For those of you who know me, you know that cardio is the bane of my fitness existence.

I have tried and quit the C25K several times.  I have tried on my own. I have tried with a partner.  And I have pretty much been stuck on week 1 or week 2.  Never to pass into week 3.

It’s a 9 week program designed to get you from “not a runner” to “run 5k all in 1 go” by doing interval training.

For me, this has always been hell. I have never been able to stick with it because I *hate* to run.

I hate not being able to breathe.

I hate sweating.

I hate the way my boobs jiggle.

I hate the way my belly jiggles.

I hate the way nothing moves in sync.

I hate the fact that 3.5 or 4 on the treadmill is as fast as I can “run”

But tonight.  Tonight was a sweet sweet thing.

Tonight – I started my C25K again.  I started day 1.  Week 1.  And started with my run at 4.

It was too slow.  My heart rate was not getting up high enough.

I moved my next 6 runs (intervals, remember? 8 of them in the first day) to 4.5.  Heart rate is exactly where I want it to be.  Just around 154 bpm. At the low end of the “high” range according to the lovely little chart on the treadmill.

The best part about my run tonight?  The last interval of running.  I decided… fuck this shit. I stuck that sucker on 5.5… and I RAN it.

I, the girl who hates running with a passion… RAN at 5.5 for a minute.

FUCKING VICTORY!

I’m going to be pushing it a bit – either doubling the weeks or doing 2 weeks in 1 – but I want to run. I want to do the Mudd, Sweat, and Tears in Prince George 2016.   I want to do Tough Mudder.

I want to be fit.  I want to be healthy.  And I want to fucking NAIL the Derby Mile…

5.5.  I’m still in awe at myself.  I thought I’d be dying. I wasn’t looking forward to that run.  I told myself I was going to do it if it killed me, but I was dreading it.   And I still did 5.5 for a minute.

Tomorrow morning… Maybe I’ll do 5.5 for 2 of the runs :p

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Quit and DO What?

Here I am in Edmonton.  I don’t know anyone really except my children.  My son is in a shared situation and my daughter has a small 2 bedroom space that she shares with a friend.

After 3 days here, I went in search of a gym.  They offer lovely week “try it” passes… its a great way to get access to a gym without paying for a membership.   The one closest to my daughter’s house is 24 hours.  EVEN BETTER!  I have issues with working out in front of other people.  I can go ANY TIME I WANT.

(as a caveat, yes – I DO know that no one else cares about the fat chick working out other than to think “Hey! good on ya!” or hope that I’m using good form)

I found the gym.  I signed up.  It did cost me $21 – that was for the access key.  $3 a day to work out.  WOOT!  Better than drop in fees.  I’m good with that.

I signed up on Wednesday.  Told the guy I wanted to come in on Thursday early am.  This is a 24 hour gym, but it’s only staffed for 9 hours a day.   He said no worries, he’d see if he could get me signed up to start at midnight. I wasn’t worried.

9am rolled around.  There was no workout.  I don’t know what happened.  Lazy?  Too tired? Anxiety?  I don’t know.  What I do know is that I did not go.  And then we were waiting for a call from the doctor to have my daughter induced.

And then we went to the hospital so she could be assessed (yay! everything normal!)

And then we came home to make dinner.

And then my son came over.

And then it was late.

And then I was tired.

And then… well then I couldn’t sleep.  Maybe I should have gone to the gym.  But I didn’t.

Today – I wanted to go to the gym.  I woke up, waiting to hear about my daughter’s induction.  Due to the serious insomnia – I woke up at noon.  Don’t want to go to the gym when someone’s there… including staff.

We’d gotten free passes to the Y for the boys to swim – so I dropped them off there -the intent was to go home, eat a light dinner then go work out, then go get boys, go home, go to sleep.

There wasn’t enough time to get a work out in between dropping them off and picking them up.

I could hear the excuses in my mind already forming.

It’s too late.

You need sleep.

You can do it tomorrow.

The boys will be with you.

It’s silly to take them home, then go out again.

Just don’t bother.

And so… I got in my car… and picked up my boys.  They were late getting out of the pool.  By the time I got back to where the gym was, it was 10.30pm.

I NEVER workout that late.

And yet…  I did.   I did my 1FW Day 1. (yep, it’s Friday.  Next week of workouts are out Sunday, but fuck that shit – I did Day 1!!!) And then I did C25K day 1 week 1.

Because.  I’m going to be fit.

Excuses are just that. If I don’t exercise, then what? If I quit… what will I do?  Get fatter?  Quit derby? End up on “My 600lb Life?”

Quit and do what exactly?

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.

End of story.  If I change nothing, nothing changes.  But if I change things… everything changes.

Quit Do What 1FW

(Quit And Do What? Copper Cuff – 1FW)

Truth is – I’m not happy where I am.  I can literally feel my ass growing.

But as an aside – I weighed myself at the gym – and I’m down another 3lbs.

So the changes I’m making are working.  And I have no excuse to not go to the gym.  It’s there.  I have nothing else to do besides sit on my ass in my daughter’s house waiting for her to go into labour.

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