Derby Love

And then there’s that moment…

… when you have a fantastic hit on an opposing team member.

… when you manage to do what you’re supposed to and hold back the jammer.

… when you get separated from your team and instead of just hanging around uselessly, you fuck up their shit and your jammer gets through.

… when you’re blocking and an opposing team member elbows you so hard in the chin that you’re seriously thinking you may have a concussion (I didn’t, or if I do it’s seriously mild)

…when you come back from resting from said hit (half a game and 3 hours between) and tell the coach you’d like to jam…that you’ll let him know when you’re able to.

… when your coach puts you on the jammer roster immediately so you’re jamming EVERY. FOUR. JAMS.

… when you find your strength in jamming and you make some spectacular (for you) plays.

… when you are able to hold your own without too many concessions or handicaps while jamming.

… when you realize you’ve jammed half a game and are ready for more.

… when you’re playing blocker for the 2nd half and figure out how to go from offence to defence and do it well.

… when people compliment you on your strength and your ability to jam and you’re not quite sure how to take it.

… when you realize.. that as ambivalent as you may have been about going… it was the best thing that could have happened to get your focus back on the sport you love.

… when your spouse supports and encourages you to play… to travel… to practise… and is willing to push you to do it.

… those are the moments that you’ll remember.  Because they make derby awesome.

Today was an amazing day of learning, growing, and playing to my strengths… both the ones I was aware of and the ones I didn’t know I had.

I played, I got hurt, I played some more…and I had so much fun.

Derby Love people!  Derby love…

I love my sport!

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The Thing About Working Out

As a larger woman.

With what I affectionately call “thunder thighs”…

.. is that when you do a leg work out, your leg muscles bulk up a bit (not much, but you’re using them, so they’re a bit more *noticeable*) and suddenly your thighs rub together more.

Reason #235 why larger women avoid the gym.  Because that feeling sucks.

But it didn’t stop me today.

 

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Cooking Salad….

I remember a few years ago, making my breakfast and a kid asked me… “why are you cooking a salad?”

My response was that it was for my eggs.

But I’ve realized, as I’m getting myself back to where I want to be, that I eat salad all the time.

Raw, with crunchy crisp veggies.

Cooked, with eggs.

On the side.

As a main dish.

Deconstructed with no lettuce or spinach.

So kid, from a couple years ago… I’m cooking my salad because it tastes fricken delish.  And because when I cook the salad in winter, I’m more likely to eat it.

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This morning’s “cooked salad” with mushrooms, swiss chard, spinach and yellow peppers… awaiting my scrambled eggs…

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Derby … 2017

Back to derby.

At the end of last season, I was hit with vertigo, as well as doing clinical.  It kept me out of derby for the last 2? 3? weeks of practice.

So last night was my first derby practice in what felt like a month.

A month of eating.

A month of drinking.

A month of sitting, doing crafts.

A month of over eating.

A YEAR of not doing what I was supposed to be doing to get to where I wanted to be.

A YEAR of being a student and sitting.

A year of gaining all the weight back that I’d lost in 2014.

And then I got back on skates.

And suffered.

It felt like I was skating back 6 years ago when skating for 5 mins hurt.

Except I skated for 10 minutes.  Without stopping.

Granted, I didn’t do the actual drill – but I DIDN’T STOP.

I hurt.  In places that stopped hurting last season.

And I know -without a doubt – it is directly attributed to my weight.

I’m taking steps to change this and this is not a New Year’s resolution.  It’s an “I don’t fit my clothes and get winded going up stairs again” goal.

It’s an “I don’t like the way my body feels or looks” goal.

It’s an “I need to make lifestyle changes that will shape my future so that I’m around to see my great-grandchildren” goal.

I have people helping me.

One who is helping me control my life.

One who is helping me push myself physically in derby.

And of course, my Sexxy Chef who is going to drag my ass to the gym.

I’m making changes – and I don’t want this to be like every other time:

Join a challenge… quit or sabotage myself.

Make a grandiose statement… fail and “start over” again.

I want this to be the “made some changes… stuck with the changes… life changed” time.

I need it to be.

I’m going to be 43 in 12 days.

I want to be a GILF. I want to be svelt and sexy at my wedding.  I want to have energy and be able to keep up with my great grandchildren. I want to be able to be on TOP during sex without having to stop and take a breath or change positions because I’m too tired so he has to finish it…

(yeah, I really said that)

So yeah.  I refuse to say that this time is different – each time has been.

I refuse to say I will succeed or fail – that will be determined entirely by what’s happening in the moment.

What I will say is that I’m incredibly grateful for the support and the people in my life right now.  I’m grateful that they’re willing to take their time and walk me through a life change.

One day, one hour, one minute at a time.

Just get through the next day.  Eat healthy. Drink water. Make small changes so that it all becomes a lifestyle.

And really – the biggest part of this for me?  Will be to learn that one small setback is not a downward spiral failure….

I can do this. For right now, I can.

And fuck this shit of waiting almost 2 months for another post.  That’s redonkulous. Posting goal:  minimum of 2X per week.  Because it’s important to me.

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Running Again.

There’s a treadmill in my bedroom.

It’s been there since… ummm… I moved back upstairs and the room that is now my bedroom was my craft/workout room.

Since I moved into the room and called it my (and my fiance’s) bedroom… It hasn’t been used.

You see… there’s a bed in my bedroom. And a man is usually in that bed either early morning or the end of the day. And quite frankly… I’d rather be in the bed with the man than running on the treadmill.

Also, he works odd shifts – tomorrow for instance – he’s not working until 1pm.  Which means it wouldn’t be nice of me to get up at 5.30am and start running on the treadmill.

So the treadmill slowly started becoming a clothes hanger.

But tonight… tonight I did something I haven’t done in a long time.

I ran on my treadmill.

I left the man watching… actually I don’t know what he was watching… and I went in the bedroom, put the clothes away that were on the bed, moved the stuff off the treadmill, set up my computer to watch “Once Upon a Time” and put on my running shoes… and I ran.

Started the C25K program again from day 1.  After all – I haven’t run in… ummm… a year? Maybe less.  I’m not sure if I’ve run this year or not. So theoretically – I should struggle HARD during the 1st day of C25K.

And I didn’t.

I ran.  And the 1 minute run seemed too short. I upped my speed each minute run.

The 90 second walk seemed too long. I upped my speed for my recovery time.

I didn’t struggle as much as I thought I would. I ran. I sweated. I struggled to breathe (must remember the puffer next run). And I enjoyed it.

Aside from the pain in my foot, that is.

But I enjoyed it. I liked the run. I liked pushing myself. I liked that I could run 5mph and not be sucking wind.

Next run?  I’ll start at 4.5mph and push it to 5.5mph.

Because I can. Because I can push myself and do better and go harder and go faster.

I promised myself at the beginning of derby in September that I would push myself just a bit more each practice. That I would not give up when I wanted to. That I would push harder.  Give 1% more.

Tonight – I gave 1% more.

Exercise Underutilized

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Depression…

When you’re too exhausted to even write a whole post.  So you just… don’t.

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Getting Back Into Derby…

Really this is about getting back to fitness.  I’ve had a LOT of changes in my life in the past 4 months or so. And because of those changes, life has gotten in the way of exercise.  And as a result, I’m having to reboot.

So tonight, I lay on the couch, snuggling a very sexxy chef…and the urge to get back there and be accountable was somewhat overwhelming.

I wanted to skip derby tonight.  But I wanted to go more than I wanted to skip.

I want to be fit, healthy, and comfortable in my skin.  I am not fit nor comfortable in my skin.  Healthy is uncertain. I think I am, but probably not as healthy as I want to be.

I got to practice, skipped my favourite part of the warm up, and we got skating.

I had some issues with my foot – this is nothing new – I think I’ll just have to learn to live with the pain, or find a better insert or new skates or something.

But I practiced.

And I had a freaking blast.

I have a goal for the remainder of October.  My goal is to lose 10lbs.

My secondary goal is to hit 30 laps in the gym.  Tonight, I hit 28.  With a cramp in my leg (WTF IS UP WITH THAT?!?!?!).  The cramp that plagued me while trying to benchmark.  The cramp that is the bane of my derby existence.

But I will hit 30 laps by Nov 1.  And lose 10lbs.

I’m done with feeling like crap.  I have something exciting happening in the future and I want to be able to feel and look my best.  And next derby season?  I’m jamming.  Fuck this “I’m not a blocker” crap.

I’m a jammer.  And I’m going to jam at least half the games.

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