The Bangover

The bangover struggle is real.




And especially the spot on my chest where I got hit.

I may have to spend today in the bathtub.  Or go to the local pool and hang out in the hot tub.  Although I don’t know that I’m flexible enough to put on my bathing suit :p

Derby was awesome last night:)

I’m going to see if I can do yoga and work out some of the stiffness.


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The Wheel and the Lace (and copious amounts of glitter)

Picture this.

You’re on the track.  You’ve found your target to interfere with so that your jammer can get through.  You’re doing an ok job of staying on that target. You’re at least making it difficult for her to just ignore you.

Your wheels bump.  You pull away.  And realize you’re tangled in her wheels.

You shake your foot a bit.

You shake it again.

The wheels won’t come unstuck!

She falls – you feel bad because you’re having such difficulty getting your wheels away from hers.   You figure, in that split second, that now that she’s fallen, your wheels will unstick and you can skate away, unscathed.

No such luck.

You fall.

You are both laying down, having fallen ungracefully, having landed relatively hard, and you both look at your feet, which, for whatever reason, feel like they’re STILL stuck together.

You look at her bright green lace… wrapped around your wheel.

Yes, I’ll say that again.  Her lace, from her skate, was wrapped in your wheel.

You both laugh, and she pulls the lace away.  You both get up laughing about it, asking if the other is ok, and skate away.

The jam is called off.

Seriously.  Her lace was caught in your wheel.  WTF?

I can’t even explain that one.

Tonight was beyond fun.  We were outmatched.  But we held our own several times.  We pushed hard and worked together and practiced strategies and just had fun.

And we made sure there were  copious amounts of glitter all over us, and all the other players.

Best part of my night?  Jamming… getting freaking LEAD.  Against PRINCE GEORGE!  OMG fun.

2nd best?  Coming together as a team and working together to form awesome lines and generally just improve our skills and get better at what we love doing.

So much fun.

Did I mention, anywhere in this blog… how much I love derby?

Team Pics

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Thank you…

Lockdown and Faye Tality and Yardsale and Firecrackher… thank you.

Y’all were the ones I spent the most time with on Saturday night working with you and practicing my skills and getting better at what I love.

Y’all were the ones I watched and learned from the most.

I took those plays you taught, the things you showed us, the way you worked with us, and I had quite possibly one of the best practices I’ve had in a long time.

I hate toe stops… and I brought back the toe stop run and toe stop shuffle back to practice tonight because I want to get better at it.

I was doing a toe stop drill once and I don’t know exactly how it happened but I ended up falling backwards, hitting my head and getting a concussion.  So toe stops scare me.

But I was watching on Saturday, you see.  I was watching everyone bounce around on toe stops and then there was me… panicking because I had to force myself to get up on my toe stops.

But I’m competitive so fuck that.  I’m doing it.  And I brought it back to practice to add to the drills because I want to work on it.  Along with the little side shuffle thing that requires me to use edges.

Last September, I was the queen of sticky skating.  I was the queen of keeping my feet firmly planted on the floor.  I could track cut and weave in and out of pace lines without EVER lifting my feet.

I was scared.

And watching everyone in Terrace… the competitive streak came out.  The little voice in my head that says “fuck that” (along with Lockdown and Yardy telling me to lift my feet) and at practice tonight I practiced differently. Tonight… I bounced a bit.  I jumped a bit.  I ran on my toe stops (eventually I’ll be able to run on them without having to skate right?) I shuffled on my toe stops.

And I ignored the fear, and listened to the voices that told me to just fucking do it.

So thank you… for inspiring me this weekend.  It’s carried over into the week.  Apparently I’m still riding on the derby high from the weekend.

On a side note?  Derby basketball is fun.  And funny. And awesome.

This is how we ended practice tonight:

Derby BasketballDerby Basketball2

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Mayhem vs NCN

I played with Northern Mayhem this past weekend against Terrace in Terrace.

Northern Mayhem is a mash-up team of anyone in the North who wants to play and is willing to travel. So the team is NEVER the same. This was my first time playing with them.

Our team, this time, consisted of a number of North Stars, several of us in our 2nd season and a whole lot of brand new, just benchmarked this year, players.  There was a WIDE range of skills and experience and an enormous amount of enthusiasm and excitement.

I had so. much. fun.

Everyone was amazing.  Everyone worked their asses off.  Everyone did what they were supposed to.  Everyone was encouraging and supportive and the entire game was everything I love about derby.

I’m articulate, normally. I don’t normally have any difficulty expressing how I feel about something… but this weekend was so incredible I’m STILL riding on my derby high, even after a 9 hour drive on 4 hours sleep. I swear the excitement interferes with my ability to communicate.

Fucking amazing.

I learned so much from the North Stars and especially my line leader.  I felt as though my skills as a blocker increased and I took away some awesome drills to do at home to improve where I need to. I am so excited for practice tomorrow night.


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Kept my Promise

To myself that is.

Got up at 5.30am.

Did the C25K (day 3).

Realized, it wasn’t as much as a challenge as I thought it would be.

But it was enough of a challenge.

Tomorrow – Day 1 of Week 2.

I have the foam fun run to run in 8 weeks.   It’s 5k of awesomeness.  And I’m looking forward to it.

But I kept my promise to myself.  I have 2 weeks to adjust my sleeping time enough that I can get up at 4.30am so I can leave my house at 5.30am.  Because that’s what time I need to leave to get to my clinical practice on time.

So I might as well run if I’m up that freaking early😛


(not me running, but an awesome pic of me LOL) Photo credit to Herb Martin.


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I made a comment to someone tonight:

“I get it. I’m the newest, freshest, slowest, fattest, least co-ordinated. But could ya not make me feel like shit about it?”

It was in response to what happened over the weekend. And how I felt after the Superhero Showdown.

And tonight, I saw pictures.

(all photos by Steven Dubas)

And ya know what?  I don’t see myself the way those pictures show me.  I don’t FEEL that fat.  I don’t FEEL that uncoordinated.

I don’t get how I can look in the mirror and not see that.

How can I look in the mirror and see the good about me, and sorta slide my eyes away from the crap.

Because when someone points it out in whatever way they do… it’s like a serious gut punch to realize that yes, I AM that fat… especially when I’m surrounded by people so much fitter than me.

I’m getting there – I’m getting slimmer and feeling better and have more energy and am stronger than before.  But I’m still going to be going through this season as the BIGGEST person on our team, in the surrounding areas, and generally the weakest player.

So I have 2 options.

  1. Cry about it and eat chips.
  2. Do something about it.

So I’m going to (continue to) do something about it.

It’s not worth the chips. It’s not worth not taking care of myself.  It’s not worth the pity party.

But it’s worth it to get up at 5.30am and work out. And get stronger.  And get leaner.  And get faster.

There’s a woman on the Prince George team I look up to. She’s got the body shape I think I’ll have when I get to where I want to be.  She’s fast.  She’s strong.  She’s an amazing derby player.

Jeneral Carnage

#363 – Jeneral Carnage.

I don’t yet have the guts to ask her what she does, although one of my teammates has told me she’s on some program.  But I look up to her as a derby player.  And she’s who I strive to … not be, because I want to be me, but emulate as I grow in my skills and strength.

I’ll get there.

In the meantime… I may be the slowest, fattest, least co-ordinated and weakest player, but could y’all remember that I’m doing my best and trying my hardest and I do it because I fucking love the game?

That’d be great:)

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I Didn’t Have Fun

I debated whether or not to post this.  This is connected to my Facebook and I may just disconnect it for this post.  Or I may go to Facebook right away and limit my audience.  Or I may not post it at all.

You see…. last night there was this amazingly awesome Superhero Showdown bout to raise money for he Rolla-Dome in Prince George.

It promised to be fun.  It promised to be exciting.  And it was.  For the most part.

But in the end… I did not really have fun.   This was the first time I walked away from a bout, a scrimmage,  a practice and I did not have the derby high.

I was almost in tears.

Whether intended or not, whether I was just the scapegoat, whether I was just the person people happened to be  looking at or whether I was targeted…  I felt like I was being yelled at by the all stars because I couldn’t skate like one of them.

Let’s recap, shall we?

1.  I am 255lbs.

2. While I am in good shape for ME, I am in crappy shape compared to just about anyone else playing derby in my or the nearby leagues.

3. The All-Stars are in even better shape than that.

4. I re-benchmarked this year. After a year off.  The year after I benchmarked for the first time.  I AM A NEWBIE.

5. On my  best days… I can’t keep up with the Prince George B team never mind the All-Stars.

So.   To feel like I was being yelled at by an All-Star because I couldn’t skate like an All-Star? I almost walked.

I didn’t because I remembered why I was there.   And while I may not have had much fun.. the crowd did.

And really… that’s what mattered.  Because in the end it WAS a fundraiser and the whole point was to get the crowd involved and raise funds.

But it was a shitty feeling… walking away from a bout feeling, yet again, not good enough instead of on top of the world like I normally do.



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