Cooking Salad….

I remember a few years ago, making my breakfast and a kid asked me… “why are you cooking a salad?”

My response was that it was for my eggs.

But I’ve realized, as I’m getting myself back to where I want to be, that I eat salad all the time.

Raw, with crunchy crisp veggies.

Cooked, with eggs.

On the side.

As a main dish.

Deconstructed with no lettuce or spinach.

So kid, from a couple years ago… I’m cooking my salad because it tastes fricken delish.  And because when I cook the salad in winter, I’m more likely to eat it.


This morning’s “cooked salad” with mushrooms, swiss chard, spinach and yellow peppers… awaiting my scrambled eggs…

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Derby … 2017

Back to derby.

At the end of last season, I was hit with vertigo, as well as doing clinical.  It kept me out of derby for the last 2? 3? weeks of practice.

So last night was my first derby practice in what felt like a month.

A month of eating.

A month of drinking.

A month of sitting, doing crafts.

A month of over eating.

A YEAR of not doing what I was supposed to be doing to get to where I wanted to be.

A YEAR of being a student and sitting.

A year of gaining all the weight back that I’d lost in 2014.

And then I got back on skates.

And suffered.

It felt like I was skating back 6 years ago when skating for 5 mins hurt.

Except I skated for 10 minutes.  Without stopping.

Granted, I didn’t do the actual drill – but I DIDN’T STOP.

I hurt.  In places that stopped hurting last season.

And I know -without a doubt – it is directly attributed to my weight.

I’m taking steps to change this and this is not a New Year’s resolution.  It’s an “I don’t fit my clothes and get winded going up stairs again” goal.

It’s an “I don’t like the way my body feels or looks” goal.

It’s an “I need to make lifestyle changes that will shape my future so that I’m around to see my great-grandchildren” goal.

I have people helping me.

One who is helping me control my life.

One who is helping me push myself physically in derby.

And of course, my Sexxy Chef who is going to drag my ass to the gym.

I’m making changes – and I don’t want this to be like every other time:

Join a challenge… quit or sabotage myself.

Make a grandiose statement… fail and “start over” again.

I want this to be the “made some changes… stuck with the changes… life changed” time.

I need it to be.

I’m going to be 43 in 12 days.

I want to be a GILF. I want to be svelt and sexy at my wedding.  I want to have energy and be able to keep up with my great grandchildren. I want to be able to be on TOP during sex without having to stop and take a breath or change positions because I’m too tired so he has to finish it…

(yeah, I really said that)

So yeah.  I refuse to say that this time is different – each time has been.

I refuse to say I will succeed or fail – that will be determined entirely by what’s happening in the moment.

What I will say is that I’m incredibly grateful for the support and the people in my life right now.  I’m grateful that they’re willing to take their time and walk me through a life change.

One day, one hour, one minute at a time.

Just get through the next day.  Eat healthy. Drink water. Make small changes so that it all becomes a lifestyle.

And really – the biggest part of this for me?  Will be to learn that one small setback is not a downward spiral failure….

I can do this. For right now, I can.

And fuck this shit of waiting almost 2 months for another post.  That’s redonkulous. Posting goal:  minimum of 2X per week.  Because it’s important to me.

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Running Again.

There’s a treadmill in my bedroom.

It’s been there since… ummm… I moved back upstairs and the room that is now my bedroom was my craft/workout room.

Since I moved into the room and called it my (and my fiance’s) bedroom… It hasn’t been used.

You see… there’s a bed in my bedroom. And a man is usually in that bed either early morning or the end of the day. And quite frankly… I’d rather be in the bed with the man than running on the treadmill.

Also, he works odd shifts – tomorrow for instance – he’s not working until 1pm.  Which means it wouldn’t be nice of me to get up at 5.30am and start running on the treadmill.

So the treadmill slowly started becoming a clothes hanger.

But tonight… tonight I did something I haven’t done in a long time.

I ran on my treadmill.

I left the man watching… actually I don’t know what he was watching… and I went in the bedroom, put the clothes away that were on the bed, moved the stuff off the treadmill, set up my computer to watch “Once Upon a Time” and put on my running shoes… and I ran.

Started the C25K program again from day 1.  After all – I haven’t run in… ummm… a year? Maybe less.  I’m not sure if I’ve run this year or not. So theoretically – I should struggle HARD during the 1st day of C25K.

And I didn’t.

I ran.  And the 1 minute run seemed too short. I upped my speed each minute run.

The 90 second walk seemed too long. I upped my speed for my recovery time.

I didn’t struggle as much as I thought I would. I ran. I sweated. I struggled to breathe (must remember the puffer next run). And I enjoyed it.

Aside from the pain in my foot, that is.

But I enjoyed it. I liked the run. I liked pushing myself. I liked that I could run 5mph and not be sucking wind.

Next run?  I’ll start at 4.5mph and push it to 5.5mph.

Because I can. Because I can push myself and do better and go harder and go faster.

I promised myself at the beginning of derby in September that I would push myself just a bit more each practice. That I would not give up when I wanted to. That I would push harder.  Give 1% more.

Tonight – I gave 1% more.

Exercise Underutilized

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When you’re too exhausted to even write a whole post.  So you just… don’t.

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Getting Back Into Derby…

Really this is about getting back to fitness.  I’ve had a LOT of changes in my life in the past 4 months or so. And because of those changes, life has gotten in the way of exercise.  And as a result, I’m having to reboot.

So tonight, I lay on the couch, snuggling a very sexxy chef…and the urge to get back there and be accountable was somewhat overwhelming.

I wanted to skip derby tonight.  But I wanted to go more than I wanted to skip.

I want to be fit, healthy, and comfortable in my skin.  I am not fit nor comfortable in my skin.  Healthy is uncertain. I think I am, but probably not as healthy as I want to be.

I got to practice, skipped my favourite part of the warm up, and we got skating.

I had some issues with my foot – this is nothing new – I think I’ll just have to learn to live with the pain, or find a better insert or new skates or something.

But I practiced.

And I had a freaking blast.

I have a goal for the remainder of October.  My goal is to lose 10lbs.

My secondary goal is to hit 30 laps in the gym.  Tonight, I hit 28.  With a cramp in my leg (WTF IS UP WITH THAT?!?!?!).  The cramp that plagued me while trying to benchmark.  The cramp that is the bane of my derby existence.

But I will hit 30 laps by Nov 1.  And lose 10lbs.

I’m done with feeling like crap.  I have something exciting happening in the future and I want to be able to feel and look my best.  And next derby season?  I’m jamming.  Fuck this “I’m not a blocker” crap.

I’m a jammer.  And I’m going to jam at least half the games.


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About A Blocker…

Holy crap it’s been a month since my last post… So much has happened.

Played in a bout in Williams Lake a few weeks ago.  It was coached by Foxy  McMuff, who then came up and did a guest coaching session with us.

It was awesome.

One of the take-aways from her coaching was that as a team, we need to tighten up our blocking. That while the jammer does what she does, it’s the blockers who will win the game.  They hold the other jammer to make sure that ours can get through and gain points.

So fast forward to this weekend where we headed to Terrace to play against Kamloops and a mashup team.

The games were fun. But the best part of the weekend?

Sunday morning scrimmage. Co-ed scrimmaging.  With men.

Men play hard.  They play fast.  And some of the men playing were Team Canada caliber. They were GOOD.  They were AMAZING.  They bounced around and on their toe stops and hit hard and skated fast and…

And I was playing with them.

One of them, a Vancouver Murder player, was on the opposing team.  Mr. Testosterone.

Mr T
(not a Vancouver Murder shot, but gives you a good idea of his skill – he does this frequently)

Most of my teammates are in awe of him.  We watch him bounce around on the track in skates, on his toe stops, spinning around, and basically making it look easy to juke in and out.

It’s kinda hard to stop him from getting past us.  He can counter just about anything we do with spins and footwork so fast we can’t react as fast as we’d like.

So… I can’t say I’m not a jammer anymore. I jammed 5 or 6 times during the scrimmage. I tried to make sure I had a strong pivot to pass the panty to if I got recycled and too tired.

We got to the last jam. Me vs Mr. Testosterone.

The whistle is blown.

Mr. Testosterone is held momentarily.

I get past my blockers.  Look at the opposing team.  There’s this… lane open.  I jump through it, and skate past and even the opposing blocker who chases me doesn’t catch me.

Holy Fuck. What just happened?  Seriously what happened?

I got through the pack. First.  I GOT LEAD.  AGAINST MR. TESTOSTERONE!!

Yeah.  I’m stoked.  I skate hard around the track.  Watching my team.  Watching my blockers HOLD HIM until close to the 2nd corner.  I zip up to the pack, take a step past 2 blockers and call it.  Screaming to my jam ref “I’M CALLING IT!”

It’s nice, as a jammer, to get multitudes of points.

It’s strategic, however, to prevent the other team from scoring.

I managed to score a point.  Against Mr. T.  And keep him from scoring any.

I couldn’t have done it WITHOUT the amazing blocking by my team.  They fricken ROCKED it.

He is an amazing skater. I am not. I have seen the videos of myself. I don’t look graceful on my skates.

So I am in SHOCK over what I managed to accomplish.

And I have decided – I’m not going to say “I’m not a jammer anymore”

Because I am. I did. And while I may not have always been successful in what I wanted to do, I was successful in a number of ways that I was proud of today.

The thing is, I’m only what I think I am.

If I think I am a fat, ungraceful, slow skater… I am.

If I think I can do it, I can.

Today, I did it.  Several times. I did it despite my feelings that I wasn’t “good enough” to play in today’s scrimmage.  I did it despite being in awe of the level of derby I was playing with.  I did it when the pack sped up beyond my skating ability… and I fricken KEPT UP.

I did it even though I thought I couldn’t.  I just did it.

Which means I can. I can do it, I just have to get out there and do it.

There are things I want to improve at, as a blocker and a jammer.  One will be to learn the blocking/skating technique that Walker? Ash?  Showed me that I couldn’t wrap my head around. And for jamming, to learn to remember to get low and hit them hard.

I can do it.  I may not be at the level I want to be at, but I can get there.

I get in my own way, frequently. I talk myself out of things that in the end would have been amazing.  I almost talked myself out of scrimmaging today – I’m super freaking excited that I didn’t.


This was a while ago… but this… this makes me so incredibly proud of myself.  That I do it, that I push myself while doing it.

And on the flip side of things… I jammed 5 or 6 times. I have NEVER in the past been able to push myself that much, and block after.  I used to say, “I’ll jam, but then I need to sit for 2 or 3 jams, or put me as last in the half.” Today, I took the panty. I jammed.  I sat a jam, and I got out there and blocked. I was DOING it!

This from the girl who, 5 years ago, couldn’t skate 5 minutes straight.

I amaze myself with what I can accomplish.

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The Bangover

The bangover struggle is real.




And especially the spot on my chest where I got hit.

I may have to spend today in the bathtub.  Or go to the local pool and hang out in the hot tub.  Although I don’t know that I’m flexible enough to put on my bathing suit :p

Derby was awesome last night 🙂

I’m going to see if I can do yoga and work out some of the stiffness.


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