Back to derby.
At the end of last season, I was hit with vertigo, as well as doing clinical. It kept me out of derby for the last 2? 3? weeks of practice.
So last night was my first derby practice in what felt like a month.
A month of eating.
A month of drinking.
A month of sitting, doing crafts.
A month of over eating.
A YEAR of not doing what I was supposed to be doing to get to where I wanted to be.
A YEAR of being a student and sitting.
A year of gaining all the weight back that I’d lost in 2014.
And then I got back on skates.
It felt like I was skating back 6 years ago when skating for 5 mins hurt.
Except I skated for 10 minutes. Without stopping.
Granted, I didn’t do the actual drill – but I DIDN’T STOP.
I hurt. In places that stopped hurting last season.
And I know -without a doubt – it is directly attributed to my weight.
I’m taking steps to change this and this is not a New Year’s resolution. It’s an “I don’t fit my clothes and get winded going up stairs again” goal.
It’s an “I don’t like the way my body feels or looks” goal.
It’s an “I need to make lifestyle changes that will shape my future so that I’m around to see my great-grandchildren” goal.
I have people helping me.
One who is helping me control my life.
One who is helping me push myself physically in derby.
And of course, my Sexxy Chef who is going to drag my ass to the gym.
I’m making changes – and I don’t want this to be like every other time:
Join a challenge… quit or sabotage myself.
Make a grandiose statement… fail and “start over” again.
I want this to be the “made some changes… stuck with the changes… life changed” time.
I need it to be.
I’m going to be 43 in 12 days.
I want to be a GILF. I want to be svelt and sexy at my wedding. I want to have energy and be able to keep up with my great grandchildren. I want to be able to be on TOP during sex without having to stop and take a breath or change positions because I’m too tired so he has to finish it…
(yeah, I really said that)
So yeah. I refuse to say that this time is different – each time has been.
I refuse to say I will succeed or fail – that will be determined entirely by what’s happening in the moment.
What I will say is that I’m incredibly grateful for the support and the people in my life right now. I’m grateful that they’re willing to take their time and walk me through a life change.
One day, one hour, one minute at a time.
Just get through the next day. Eat healthy. Drink water. Make small changes so that it all becomes a lifestyle.
And really – the biggest part of this for me? Will be to learn that one small setback is not a downward spiral failure….
I can do this. For right now, I can.
And fuck this shit of waiting almost 2 months for another post. That’s redonkulous. Posting goal: minimum of 2X per week. Because it’s important to me.