I debated whether or not to post this. This is connected to my Facebook and I may just disconnect it for this post. Or I may go to Facebook right away and limit my audience. Or I may not post it at all.
You see…. last night there was this amazingly awesome Superhero Showdown bout to raise money for he Rolla-Dome in Prince George.
It promised to be fun. It promised to be exciting. And it was. For the most part.
But in the end… I did not really have fun. This was the first time I walked away from a bout, a scrimmage, a practice and I did not have the derby high.
I was almost in tears.
Whether intended or not, whether I was just the scapegoat, whether I was just the person people happened to be looking at or whether I was targeted… I felt like I was being yelled at by the all stars because I couldn’t skate like one of them.
Let’s recap, shall we?
1. I am 255lbs.
2. While I am in good shape for ME, I am in crappy shape compared to just about anyone else playing derby in my or the nearby leagues.
3. The All-Stars are in even better shape than that.
4. I re-benchmarked this year. After a year off. The year after I benchmarked for the first time. I AM A NEWBIE.
5. On my best days… I can’t keep up with the Prince George B team never mind the All-Stars.
So. To feel like I was being yelled at by an All-Star because I couldn’t skate like an All-Star? I almost walked.
I didn’t because I remembered why I was there. And while I may not have had much fun.. the crowd did.
And really… that’s what mattered. Because in the end it WAS a fundraiser and the whole point was to get the crowd involved and raise funds.
But it was a shitty feeling… walking away from a bout feeling, yet again, not good enough instead of on top of the world like I normally do.