I Didn’t Have Fun

I debated whether or not to post this.  This is connected to my Facebook and I may just disconnect it for this post.  Or I may go to Facebook right away and limit my audience.  Or I may not post it at all.

You see…. last night there was this amazingly awesome Superhero Showdown bout to raise money for he Rolla-Dome in Prince George.

It promised to be fun.  It promised to be exciting.  And it was.  For the most part.

But in the end… I did not really have fun.   This was the first time I walked away from a bout, a scrimmage,  a practice and I did not have the derby high.

I was almost in tears.

Whether intended or not, whether I was just the scapegoat, whether I was just the person people happened to be  looking at or whether I was targeted…  I felt like I was being yelled at by the all stars because I couldn’t skate like one of them.

Let’s recap, shall we?

1.  I am 255lbs.

2. While I am in good shape for ME, I am in crappy shape compared to just about anyone else playing derby in my or the nearby leagues.

3. The All-Stars are in even better shape than that.

4. I re-benchmarked this year. After a year off.  The year after I benchmarked for the first time.  I AM A NEWBIE.

5. On my  best days… I can’t keep up with the Prince George B team never mind the All-Stars.

So.   To feel like I was being yelled at by an All-Star because I couldn’t skate like an All-Star? I almost walked.

I didn’t because I remembered why I was there.   And while I may not have had much fun.. the crowd did.

And really… that’s what mattered.  Because in the end it WAS a fundraiser and the whole point was to get the crowd involved and raise funds.

But it was a shitty feeling… walking away from a bout feeling, yet again, not good enough instead of on top of the world like I normally do.




About sunnyjane

On a journey of fitness, health and healing. One blog focuses primarily on health & fitness (sunnyjane.wordpress.com) and the other is about my path through widowhood (widowspath.wordpress.com) Life is a Journey. I'm learning to enjoy the ride.
This entry was posted in Roller Derby, Self-esteem. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s