The Mind Fuck

‘Scuse my language.

But I’m stuck in a mind fuck right now.

I’ve never been one of those gain, lose, gain roller coaster, yo-yo dieters . I’ve gained weight.  And stayed about that weight.  Gained a bit more weight.  Stayed about there.  Then gained more.

And then I found 1FW.

And I followed the program.

And I lost weight.

A significant amount of weight.

I lost a good 40lbs.

And then…. my relationship fell apart, and I started stress eating again.

And I gained weight.

First time in my life… I’d lost weight and gained weight.

And it fucked with my mind.  Seriously.

Suddenly I FEEL fat in a way I never had before.

I FEEL less strong, I FEEL less healthy, I FEEL less energetic.

It messes with your mind – seriously.

I’m trying to sort through it – and move past it, but I feel fat and unsexxy in a way I havent’ before.  I’ve lost a LOT of mojo and for the first time, I get how someone could end up weighing 600lbs.

I want that feeling of energy back. I want that feeling of health back.  I want the sexxy, confident woman back.

She’s in there.  I know logically I am a brilliant, bold, confident woman who has a LOT to offer someone.  But right now? I feel bloated and unsexxy and there’s a sense of “WHY” would anyone want to date me?

I’ll find her again.  I just need to unfuck my mind.

We Believe

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About sunnyjane

On a journey of fitness, health and healing. One blog focuses primarily on health & fitness (sunnyjane.wordpress.com) and the other is about my path through widowhood (widowspath.wordpress.com) Life is a Journey. I'm learning to enjoy the ride.
This entry was posted in Depression, Fitness, One Fit Widow, Weight Loss and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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