I deal with stress through food.
I deal with pain through food.
I deal with the hole in my chest (figuratively not literally) with food.
I have been eating a LOT of food lately.
REALLY bad food.
A lot of it lately.
Even when I’m not hungry. Even when I know it’s not good. Even when I know I’ll feel like shit afterwards.
I have this dual thing going on in my head… “what are you doing? Why are you eating that? You don’t need that. You don’t want that” along side the “filltheholefilltheholefillthehole” chant in my brain.
And so I eat.
And I feel like crap. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally.
I feel like utter crap.
But I still eat.
So I’ve sorta decided that I am killing myself slowly. I must be, right? Because if I didn’t want to feel like crap, I wouldn’t eat.
But I eat.
SO I must like it.