I play in an athletic sport.
I have athletic friends.
I struggle with certain aspects of my chosen sport.
One of the biggest things I struggle with is my size, my weight, my jugga-butt.
It’s hard – when you’re bigger than everyone else – to feel *as good as* the rest.
The stupid thing is I *know* that it’s mostly in my head. I say mostly because no one has said anything, in fact, everyone is very encouraging and supportive, but I don’t know what really goes on in anyone’s heads.
But I feel less than. I feel not as good as. I feel like the size of my ass sometimes defines whether or not someone will hang out with me, be my friend, or otherwise interact with me.
And it’s a very uncomfortable place to be. It’s so much not fun. (say that one 5 times fast)
Its a weird place to be in… the knowing logically vs feeling it in my heart.
I miss my friends. I miss my circle. I miss my Kathy. I miss my Michelle. I miss my Sirens.
I don’t yet feel like I fit in anywhere in Quesnel – but it will come – I know it will. It just takes time and I’m not the most patient of people…
But I’ll get there… eventually.