Feelings of Inferiority

I play in an athletic sport.

I have athletic friends.

I struggle with certain aspects of my chosen sport.

One of the biggest things I struggle with is my size, my weight, my jugga-butt.

It’s hard – when you’re bigger than everyone else – to feel *as good as* the rest.

The stupid thing is I *know* that it’s mostly in my head.  I say mostly because no one has said anything, in fact, everyone is very encouraging and supportive, but I don’t know what really goes on in anyone’s heads.

But I feel less than.  I feel not as good as.  I feel like the size of my ass sometimes defines whether or not someone will hang out with me, be my friend, or otherwise interact with me.

And it’s a very uncomfortable place to be.  It’s so much not fun.  (say that one 5 times fast)

Its a weird place to be in… the knowing logically vs feeling it in my heart.

I miss my friends.  I miss my circle.  I miss my Kathy. I miss my Michelle.  I miss my Sirens.

I don’t yet feel like I fit in anywhere in Quesnel – but it will come – I know it will.  It just takes time and I’m not the most patient of people…

But I’ll get there… eventually.

The-Simpsons-s11e22-Behind-the-Laughter

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About sunnyjane

On a journey of fitness, health and healing. One blog focuses primarily on health & fitness (sunnyjane.wordpress.com) and the other is about my path through widowhood (widowspath.wordpress.com) Life is a Journey. I'm learning to enjoy the ride.
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One Response to Feelings of Inferiority

  1. Eenie Meanie says:

    It’s so hard to tell the difference between the voices and reality. I struggle with it, too. It’s taken me a long time to find where I fit in Houston Roller Derby, and I still question it. Hope you figure out a way to shut those voices up.

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