Fire and Drive and a Head Injury

For the first time in I don’t know how long, I have drive and a fire in my belly.

I have the desire to move.

I have the desire to eat healthy.

I have the desire to change my life.

I have the desire to make the changes I started in July and got derailed from in December.

I was making great progress this week.

For the 1 day.

And then I hit my head.

Do you know how much that sucks?  How much it leaves me frustrated?

I can’t move much without my head hurting.

I can’t do much without my head hurting.

I’ve typed 103 words, saved the picture down there to my computer and my head hurts.

I need to sleep.

I’ll go to sleep soon.

But for now – I need to talk about how frustrated I am.  How I was looking forward to derby, derby and more derby.  How I was planning on doing the 3 day home workout from 1FW.   How I was following the food lifestyle.

How I was changing my life.

And then I hit my freaking head.

And couldn’t walk around much.

I had to get kids off to school – that took all my energy and there was none left for me.

I had to get kids home from school – that took more energy.

I was helping around the house – walking that much was causing headaches.

And there was no energy or time left for me.

I couldn’t move.  I couldn’t exercise.  I can’t go to roller derby practices.

Planning a healthy meal was beyond my brain comprehension.

COOKING a healthy meal took more energy than grabbing a piece of fruit or a bowl of cereal.

And now I’m 4 days past the head injury – and I’m still frustrated and driven to move, eat and make changes.

I can only control what I can control.

I can’t control how fast my brain heals.

I can’t control how much time I can spend upright.

I can’t control how loud the kids are going to be.

But I can control what I put in my mouth.

I can control what I eat, drink and how clean it is.

For the first 3 months of my journey – I lost weight, hell I won a challenge WITHOUT EXERCISE!!

I lost 35+ lbs just by changing what I put in my mouth.   What I drank.  What I ate.

I can do it again.

I may not be able to skate or lift or run.  But I can choose what to eat.  I can choose water over coffee.  I can choose vegetables over cookies.   I can make a smoothie while fixing kids lunches.

I have things I can control.  And I will.

Coach Michelle challenged us Questies to do a sticky challenge.

Write down the following:

1. Your #1 reason for joining.
2. Number of years you’ve wanted to get fit and strong.
3. Your 12 week goal.

Take a picture and post it in our private group.

Yeah – y’all know me better than that by now – it’s going in my blog (as well as the private group!)

I am up for my next review in May.   In May, I have boot camp that I want to attend for roller derby and I want to be strong on my skates.

I cheated and weighed myself the other day – I’m only 20lbs from that goal.

When I did a compliance challenge last fall – I lost 8 lbs just by changing what I ate.

In. A. Week.

8lbs.

Fuck this shit.  I can do this with my eyes closed… at least until I need to measure my food 😉

I have a 12 week goal.   I’m also working on this weeks food challenge of the least amount of sugar eaten.  That’s a good one for me – I *always* go over in my sugar.

But for now… the sticky challenge.

Sticky Note Challenge

 

I have now written over 600 words, my head is pounding and I need sleep.

The kitchen is a mess and I don’t care.  I am going to go take care of myself and sleep.

And tomorrow – kick sugar out of my life.

My fire and drive are still there – and for that I’m grateful – because I CAN do this, I NEED to do this and I WILL do this.

I will change my life for me.  For my kids.  For my guy.  For Mark, who didn’t change his life soon enough and was taken from us.

I will change my life because we’re all worth it.

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About sunnyjane

On a journey of fitness, health and healing. One blog focuses primarily on health & fitness (sunnyjane.wordpress.com) and the other is about my path through widowhood (widowspath.wordpress.com) Life is a Journey. I'm learning to enjoy the ride.
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