I have been sabotaging myself lately.
Specifically the last couple days.
Bailey’s in coffee.
Not exercising beyond roller derby and that has been a struggle.
Not being accountable.
Not drinking my water.
Drinking LOTS of coffee (some with Bailey’s)
The amazing ice cream/coffee energy drink/Bailey’s drink I had 2 of the other night.
Lunch today? Beef dip and fries and gravy. With ketchup.
Breakfast was crepe’s and whipped cream.
I have been sabotaging myself and I dont. know. why.
In the end, the only thing I’ve been getting out of it has been a gut ache, a head ache, and for the first time ever… guilt.
I know better. I know how to do better. I know how to BE better.
It’s like I’ve been in a fog of “I don’t give a rats patootie” and its affecting *everything*
Right now, I care. Right now, I’m on my 2nd 20-oz bottle of water. Right now, I’m wishing I had a healthy snack because I’m hungry from not having eaten anything healthy or whole.
Right now, I wish I could go exercise.
Right now, I have a mental plan to re-centre myself, to reorient myself and to get back to the way of life that I was enjoying.
I like shedding weight. I like exercising. I like feeling healthy. I like starting my day well.
I look around my house and see the mess, the clutter, the disarray and the only thing I can think of is that my house reflects my mental and emotional state which reflects on my choices.
I almost wish I wasn’t going to roller derby testing tomorrow so I can sort out my life. But I have time tonight to sort things out. And I will. And we’ll have Christmas decorating. And I will get my head on straight. And tonight…
I will exercise. Plyometrics here I come 🙂