Focus

I debated where to put this blog -the widow blog or the fitness/health blog.  It fits both and has applications to both.

I decided on the fitness/health blog because it pertains to my mental health.

I’m under a severe amount of stress right now.  My man is under a severe amount of stress right now.  He’s not here to support me, I’m not there to support him and part of the stress is trying how to figure out how to get me up there – we’re short cash that we were expecting.

I move in 2 weeks.  2. freaking. weeks.

In that time, I have to pack my entire house, finish fixing the few things around the house that need to be fixed so I can get my shares back, demo the garage so they don’t charge me for it, clean my entire house, finish my last three days of work, spend time with friends, spend time with the boys, find time to go out to a beach (dammit! it’s summer! I want beach and water!!!), declutter and still make sure I eat clean and exercise and drink my water.

All are very important to me.

All are pulling me in different directions.

Some of it I can take care of right now, some of it has to wait.

But I need to find focus.  Being scattered means nothing gets done well, if at all.  Being scattered means I randomly wander around my house, wondering WTF I’m supposed to do, and all of it is staring me in the face and none of it makes sense.

It’s very reminiscent of the first few weeks after Mark died.

Something someone said to me 15 years ago popped in my head.

“Just do what is right in front of you.  Do what needs to be done NEXT”

Ok.   Look around my house.  Lots of stuff needs to be done next – but I need to narrow it down.  What will give me the most peace?  What will make me feel like I’ve accomplished something?

It doesn’t matter what that something is.  It just matters that I pick something and DO it, so that the focus of doing comes back.

Focussing on one task will help free my mind to subconsciously work out the other problems that I can’t do anything about right now.

I just need to focus.

Image borrowed from this blog.

I need to focus.  I can, on the simple tasks.   The mindlessness of routine chores can be a form of meditation, while still being productive.   I just need to focus.