Self Deception…

I have, at various times, posted my “in progress” pictures.



When I first started.

November 2011Almost a year later.



A year after that.

There hasn’t been a huge amount of change – but by the time I hit the last picture, I was starting to feel good about myself and my body.  I was starting to see and FEEL change and was looking forward to the continued downward spiral.

Then I fell during a boot camp and got a concussion.

There was a 6 week… lull… in exercise.  I was forced to allow my brain to recover and then Christmas, and then a couple weeks before derby started up again.

I didn’t eat healthy, I didn’t get back into exercise the way I should have when I was allowed to, and somehow, I figured that I would either maintain or continue to lose weight.

I would get dressed and see myself as slender, just a few pounds overweight, curvy.

I somehow managed to convince myself that I wasn’t as big as I actually was.

I know my weight.  I’m not stupid.  I weigh myself every couple days and it doesn’t change appreciably.  I have difficulty walking up stairs without getting winded.

I don’t fit in some rides at the PNE.

But somehow, I managed to convince myself that I wasn’t as big as I actually am.

I did a photo shoot this weekend – I wanted to feel good about my body – about the way I look NOW… because regardless of what I weigh, I am beautiful… I am sexxy… I am amazing… and I refuse to be happy with myself only if I’m skinny.

So… from my photo shoot today…

Cheeky skates Roller Skates

There was other photos, but they are not appropriate for a family-friendly blog 😉  They’re for my personal collection 😉

I know how big I am…and I’m fucking GORGEOUS!   Now I have to get as healthy as I am gorgeous 😉 :p



About sunnyjane

On a journey of fitness, health and healing. One blog focuses primarily on health & fitness ( and the other is about my path through widowhood ( Life is a Journey. I'm learning to enjoy the ride.
This entry was posted in Self-esteem and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Self Deception…

  1. ellebonze says:

    Fabulous!!!! I am inspired!

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