Not the best combination. Although… it wasn’t a *bad* combination.
The problem though, is while they did their job (stuffing the emotions down, making me feel temporarily like I can handle the pain of grief), there’s a side effect.
You see – there’s consequences to every action. To quote from this blog:
As we go about our life, we make choices, we take actions, we speak words and make facial expressions. If we are hoping for positive results (consequences) to follow; then we NEED to be considering all of the possible consequences that we can possibly expect as a result of our choices. Just as importantly, we need to understand that we can’t delete consequences, we have to work with them in order to create new (hopefully positive) consequences.
The blog I quoted has nothing to do with eating or getting fit or exercising, but this is so true and applicable across the board.
I chose to eat pizza & drink wine (we are not going to talk about how much pizza and wine) and shove my feelings down.
I now get to experience the consequence of that – bloating, weight gain & breathlessness… no… this did not all happen at once (ok, the bloating did) but over the past while, I’ve been shoving my feelings down with food and yes, I’ve gained weight and am now having problems with cardio.
It’s affected me. Just a small weight gain is VERY noticeable. I want that weight gone. Experimentation done. Do you think I can remember this the next time I feel like someone’s punched a hole in my chest? Do you think, just for a second, I will remember this feeling and make a different choice?
It’s late, but tomorrow I’m going to compile a list of things I can do to feel better – that DON’T involve food or wine. Although the wine was REALLY good. :p
Tonight I will live with the consequences of my actions. I will wake up tomorrow, and, I promise to me, I will do my yoga first thing. Before facebook. Before email. Before computer.
I will get out of bed, and go straight to the living room and set up the yoga dvd. I will grab water, and roll out my mat and spend 45 minutes moving my body and getting my stretch on.
I am worth it. I am worth feeling good. I am worth keeping a promise to myself.
I am worth it.