It’s derby night. In 15 minutes, all the other skaters will get geared up, get on their skates and start skating.
And I have an effing concussion.
I’d like to pretend that I’m ok. That I’m fine. That I can skate, despite my doctor’s advice and other people’s experience.
I clean my kitchen and I get dizzy.
I’m mad about this. I need to skate. I need to play. I need the comraderie.
Tonight especially – I want/need the physicality of it. I need to skate off my overwhelming emotions that are running through me right now.
Or maybe I don’t. Maybe I just need to feel. Maybe i just need to allow the emotions to wash over me… like I should have on Friday.
Either way… I’m not skating tonight. I’m not going to attempt it – I’m too scattered.
I want to skate though… *sigh*