Fresh Meat Program!!

Tonight marks the start of the Fall 2012 Sea to Sky Sirens Fresh Meat program.

I’m not going to lie.  There’s a tiny part of me that feels just the slightest part bitter about being in the fresh meat program.

I squash it though, by reminding myself, “I CHOSE THIS”

Wait.  What?

I chose this?

I chose to have my husband get sick and die?

I chose to have my life in chaos so that I couldn’t skate or make practices?

I chose this?

Yes.  I chose it.

I didn’t choose my husband to get sick.  I didn’t choose for him to die.  I didn’t choose for my life to be in chaos.   I didn’t choose to spend (ok I did choose that) 6 days a week, 8 hours a day in VGH watching my husband fight for life.

What I chose, was what I did with my time.

When the nurses asked me to leave for rounds (which takes about 15 mins) I could have chosen to walk the stairs.  I chose not to, much of the time.

When I went for lunch, I could have chosen healthy foods.  I chose junk or high fat much of the time.

When I got there, I could have chosen to take the stairs.   I chose the elevator.

When I got home, I could have chosen to do something in the mornings or evenings – such as walk my dogs or walk with my kids or ride bikes with my kids.   I chose not to.

Don’t get me wrong – depression influenced those choices in many respects.  It was the overriding factor in a lot of my day to day decisions.  Some days the depression was so overwhelming that I didn’t feel like I had a choice.

Most of the time I did have choices – and I chose accordingly.

So I chose to be in this fresh meat program.    I chose, based on my past choices, to not get into shape the way I could have.  I chose, based on past choices, to not go to as many practices as I could have.   I chose, based on my past choices, to fail the 25 in 5.

 

Stop.  Read that again.

Now read it again.

Once more.

Understand?  The CHOICES I made, resulted in the life I have now.

I had a very good reason in my life to make excuses.  I had a very good reason to prioritize my life differently.

But where I am now is the result of choices I made.

I chose to be in the fresh meat program.

So when that little kernel of bitterness pops up… I just have to remind myself.  It was my choice.  And if I want to be in a different place in December… I will have to make different choices now.

I’m excited for the fresh meat program tonight 🙂  I’m looking forward to seeing what I missed in the past 3 fresh meat sessions I should have been a part of.

I have that choice.

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About sunnyjane

On a journey of fitness, health and healing. One blog focuses primarily on health & fitness (sunnyjane.wordpress.com) and the other is about my path through widowhood (widowspath.wordpress.com) Life is a Journey. I'm learning to enjoy the ride.
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