So I’ve noticed a pattern:
I wake up, I have energy, I have drive, I have a clear mental focus.
I plan, I do stuff, I look forward to the day.
Then, somewhere around 2pm… it’s gone. I have no energy. I have no drive. I am foggy and sad and lonely and want to curl up in my bed and cry.
It usually gets worse as the day goes by.
I don’t want this to be my routine. I’m thinking that until my body resets and is consistently level – that I need to plan some midday activity. I need to plan to swim or do yoga or go for a walk or a bike ride or do SOMETHING… to see if it helps with the energy/depression levels.
Because at 3pm, I don’t even want to go get dressed. I don’t want to think about dinner, I haven’t fed my kids lunch (they’re old enough to make themselves sandwiches), and all I want to do is go curl up in bed and sleep.
Over analyzing – is this depression or grief or just allowing myself to maintain crappy patterns? How do I know if its a genuine need or something I can shake myself out of?
My plan… is to, at some point today, do yoga. I have time in my day – so the plan will be to do the 30 days of Blissology yoga, and go to my derby practices and take my kids out for one family-oriented activity – bike ride, swimming or skating. That’s it. Those three things I will force myself to do. I will enrol and engage and if I’m still finding I have an afternoon/evening slump of depression – I know I need to talk to my doctor sooner rather than later.
I need to have routine in my life.
Yeah, yeah… I’ve been talking about this for a long time.
But I need it now, more than ever. I need it to help prevent me from getting lost in grief.
So. Today, yoga. Tomorrow, bike ride with kids (if weather allows) and yoga.
OH! tonight I could so do some kinect games with the boys. That’s active, family oriented and fun 😀
Got plans. Will work out a routine later. But I have to do this – there’s no one else but me.