Step 1.

Trying to find my way out of depression, trying to make sense of my life, trying to do the things that will make me a better, happier, healthier person.

I want to be there for my kids.

Step one starts with what I choose to put in my body.  I don’t have the energy (yet) to get out there and exercise, I haven’t been back to derby and back on skates since he died, but I can choose what to put in my body.

Step one… eating mindfully & healthily.

Today’s breakfast:

2 organic eggs, 1/4 onion, 1/4 orange pepper, and 1/4 cup of leftover turkey breast from dinner last night.

2 mugs of coffee (that’s going to have to change)

Oh, and a piece of peach tart that Coree brought over.

A friend posted about the invisible cancer she suffers from – depression.  It gets me, too, but not to the degree it gets her… and I don’t want it to get there.

I can’t promise myself or anyone else that I will be able to maintain these changes, but this is my plan.

Right now, I feel hopeful, and energized, and almost excited about life.   I miss him horribly but I can honour him the best way possible by living life as it is supposed to be lived – not hiding in my bedroom.

Today is step one.

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About sunnyjane

On a journey of fitness, health and healing. One blog focuses primarily on health & fitness (sunnyjane.wordpress.com) and the other is about my path through widowhood (widowspath.wordpress.com) Life is a Journey. I'm learning to enjoy the ride.
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2 Responses to Step 1.

  1. JohnnyBee says:

    While I haven’t had the same intense emotional blow you have, a couple of setbacks have caused me to want to withdraw from humanity somewhat. I wouldn’t call it depression but there were times when I wanted to pull the curtains shut and just not be.

    I’m on my way back to full function now and I’ve gotten there by making small consistent changes. I started with a 3 move exercise regimen and am now up to 5, increasing by one move per week, with the goal being the Tough Mudder in Vancouver next year. I’ve made other changes as well, but all were done gradually.

    As Lao-Tzu said: a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Small, incremental changes will have you looking back in a month congratulating yourself at the path you’ve already covered. Allow yourself bad days too, they are part of the journey. Without a bit of rain, you won’t enjoy the sun as much.

    Be well.

  2. Janice says:

    Someone once told me that “the hard choice will be if I was going to be angry/sad for the time that I didn’t have with Dave, or grateful for the time that I did have.” It took me a considerable amount of time, and heartache – by eventually, I made the choice to be grateful. You’ll get there Jane … but it’s a very painful journey. Much love and gentle hugs.

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