I’ve been thinking in black and white, all or nothing, go big or go home terms.
Must start an involved program that consists of changing my eating habits, incorporates more water, gets me up at 5.45am to work out, work out, behave, blah blah blah.
All those changes at once.
The problem with that is that I haven’t been sleeping well. I have had problems falling asleep, and the drugs that my doctor gave me left me unable to wake up early enough, and when I didn’t take them I had a lousy sleep.
My chosen work out time is 6am. I *like* that time of day to work out in. I enjoy the rush of getting my body moving that time of day.
Go ahead, laugh. I’ll wait…
Done giggling? No? Ok…
Yes, I am crazy. Stop that. I can still see you chortling and trying to hide it.
I like being up early. I like the first morning quiet when I’m the only one up in the house. Its a great time to exercise, write, meditate, read, centre myself. Its fantastic.
But when you don’t fall asleep until 1 or 2am… waking up at 5.45am is… difficult.
When your life is in chaos, routine gets lost.
When stress is the overwhelming influence in your life, you lose your sense of which way is up.
So here I’ve been hard on myself because I don’t have a good routine and I haven’t been getting up to exercise and I’ve been eating crap and…
Wait. Hold the boat!
My husband is in hospital (transferred out of ICU yesterday!!! WOOT!!!) has been in ICU/hospital for the past EIGHTEEN WEEKS, and I am not doing enough for my exercise and weight loss program.
Yeah. That’s fucked up (pardon the language)
I barely have a new normal routine for my CHILDREN never mind myself. I barely have enough energy to make sure they’re on track never mind focus on what I need.
It’s ok. It’s perfectly ok that for the past 18 weeks, I’ve lost my routine. It’s more than ok. It makes sense.
Here we are now, 18 weeks in and I have a new normal with the kids. I have a *somewhat* workable routine with them (instituted this past week!!) that keeps them on track.
I’m starting with baby steps.
I have, for the past 2 days, gotten up with my alarm at 6am. Not 7, not 7.30, not 5am because I couldn’t sleep, but 6am. Not only that, I’ve been in bed between 10.30 and 11pm.
The start of my workable routine for ME is to go to bed and get up at a reasonable hour.
Next step, next week, will be to add some exercise to that. But for now, I just want to go to bed, then get up at a reasonable time.
Because if I can’t – then the rest of the *routine* is useless.
Oh and in case you missed it – yesterday my husband was transferred out of ICU. He’s now on the 9th floor – no more reason for me to miss doing my stairs 🙂
Happy Friday everyone!