I know I’m not a widow. I know that he’s still here and he’s still fighting to come home to us. I know that I’m focused on his getting better and coming home.
But I totally get this scene from Grey’s Anatomy. I get it. I don’t mean to be the big sad widow. I don’t mean to bring everyone down.
Half the time I wish that people would just. stop. asking.
The rest of the time… I’m grateful, oh so grateful for the interest in what’s going on… but how many people really want to know? How many really really want to know the nitty gritty details?
I don’t want to always be the person bringing the party down – I don’t want to take a sparkling happy conversation and have it turn serious. I don’t want people to stop asking me how I’m doing simply because I might tell them.
I’m good with saying “I’m ok”
But it feels like it. It feels like there’s nothing anyone wants to talk to me about other than how’s my husband (thank you for asking) and how am I handling it (again thanks for asking)
I want to talk about the roller derby boot camp that’s coming up.
I want to talk about my role in the bout preparations.
I want to talk about your horrible messy break up.
I want to hear about your boring life.
I want to talk about the boil on your back and what’s the best way to get rid of it.
I want to not talk about ME all the time. This song, as fun and funny as it is, is NOT what I want. I talk about me and my husband all the time. I want to talk about you. I want to know what goes on in your life. I want to be invited out to random coffee to talk about kids and life and jobs.
Most of all, I need it to be ok for me to say “I’m good, how are you” and the conversation carry on … without me having to describe in detail about my husband’s medical issues… or for someone to say to me “Hey, my problems aren’t as bad as yours, I don’t want to burden you with them. You have more important things to think about…”
I don’t. I think about my husband about 22 hours a day. Your problems are JUST AS IMPORTANT. They are JUST AS VALID. And I need to hear about them. I need to be part of more than the world that is the Vancouver General Hospital ICU.
I need normal, and for it to be ok for me to BE normal.