I had a night on Tuesday. A whiny, miserable, poor me, I’m not good enough night.
I somehow managed to ignore the fact that that I was cementing my skills. I somehow managed to ignore the fact that I skated most of the practice. I somehow managed to ignore the fact that I’m feeling more steady on my skates. I somehow managed to ignore the fact that after all the “new” freshies were done (and most of the vets) I still skated, trying to get the crossovers to ‘click’ so I could skate the jammer’s path. I somehow managed to ignore the fact that I went as long as I could, and then when I wanted to stop, did another two laps before stopping for a short break then getting up and doing it again.
I somehow managed to ignore all of that.
All I could see was… “I’m not as good as”
There are more than a couple freshies who look like they have been on skates a LONG time. They look like they’ve skied. They look like the skates are just extensions of their feet.
Their balance is amazing. They’re blowing past the training program, moving into stuff we didn’t start until a couple months into our training.
And they’re better than me.
And somehow I managed to ignore the fact of my improvements. I managed to ignore the fact of my persistence.
I don’t know how I LOOK. But I know how I FEEL. I know that last week, the week before, I wouldn’t have been able to skate the track mostly in crossovers. That’s a huge improvement for me.
I *refuse* to let other people’s beauty and grace on wheels intimidate me – I am as good as I can get – and soon I WILL be a full fledged team member.
To quote a friend:
“Stop comparing yourself to others ! You know,..if you are out with someone, and cant keep up, change your goal in that moment. Tell the person to go ahead without you. Ask them when they finish, to wait for you.
Time yourself, on how long you need to recouperate. Then make it your new goal, to minimize that time, by ‘catching up’ to the other persons finish time.
I`ll tell you a little thing I say to myself, when I am a 35 yr old woman, rodeo-ing against 20 yr old girls.
I don`t ride for myself. I ride for the little girl I use to be. The girl who so wanted to be here, winning. Who practiced moves on a stick horse dreaming of when she could do it.
So,..don`t skate for the ‘you’ that you are upset at, and wish wasn`t in those skates. Skate for the woman you want to be. Skate for the woman you KNOW you are on the inside.
…and most of all, skate for the little girl who gets a kick out of thumping other girls.
8 wheels, 2 skates,..1 passion.”