I have a headache.

I know, I know,  a common complaint.   However, last Friday, this complaint was accompanied by vision problems.

Quick run to the Health Care Centre… ER doc orders a CT and for me to go see my doc.   ER doc figures its a migraine of sorts.

Go see my doc – nope, I’m out of alignment.  He says it could be other things, but symptoms overlap, and lets fix my crooked body and if the symptoms don’t go away, then we can look at other things.

I ask him – how much of my symptoms would be relieved if I lost weight?

He figures most of them.   He gave me an explanation which I’m not going to repeat here, but needless to say… the current theme in my life… get to a healthy weight.

Ok.   I get it.

I am listening to the audiobook “The Speed of Trust” right now.  It talks about the direct correlation between trust, speed and cost.   The author relates a story about how he used to set his alarm, and when it went off in the morning, shut it off and sleep more.  He talks about how his word to himself became a joke – and this lack of trust in himself started to permeate the rest of his life.

I have been paying for a gym membership for over 3 years now.  I rarely use it.

How do those two things relate?  I am not keeping my word to myself.  I say, at 11.30 or midnight… “I’m going to get up at 5.45am and go to the gym.”  “I’m going to take the dog for a morning walk”  and at 5.45am when the alarm goes off… I shut it off.   I break my word to myself.   It has ALWAYS permeated the rest of my life – I break my word to myself frequently.

Another audio book I’m listening to right now is the abridged version of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”.  This one I haven’t listened to as closely – but one thing that sticks out is changing what I have influence over.  (Reminder to myself to spend some time seriously listening to it)

I have control over myself.  I have control over my decision to get up, go to the gym, go for a walk, do yoga.   I don’t have control over the weather, my co-workers, or anything that is outside my home.   Its an illusion to believe I do.  I can only control what I do.

Midnight last night, I’m trying to get to sleep and failing.  I decide that I will get up and take my dog for a 20 minute walk.    I promise myself that I’m going to.   And then the alarm goes off at 5.45am.  (that really is a disgusting time of day)

I hit the snooze button.  Didn’t actually go back to sleep… just lay there.  Argued with myself.

“But I need sleeeeeeeeeep”  “I’m TIREDDDDD”

I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit that I whined at myself.

And when the snooze alarm went off 15 minutes later….

I got out of bed.  I put on jeans and took the dog for a walk at 6am.   I kept my word to myself.

It’s not about doing it because I told someone else I would.  It’s not about not letting other people down.  Its about not letting MYSELF down.

At the end of the day – other people will move on, they will not be able to go to the gym with me, or I will run out of money and not be able to pay for their services.   But I’m still there.

And today, I kept my word.

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About sunnyjane

On a journey of fitness, health and healing. One blog focuses primarily on health & fitness (sunnyjane.wordpress.com) and the other is about my path through widowhood (widowspath.wordpress.com) Life is a Journey. I'm learning to enjoy the ride.
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