A disclaimer for all members of my family… I apologize if this is how you find out.
I am an emotional eater. I eat when I’m stressed, I eat when I’m sad, I eat when I’m mad. It works, for a short period of time, to stuff the feeling and move on… allows me time to process whatever is that’s bothering me… or put it aside until it rises up to bite me in the ass later.
I am eating emotionally tonight. I am cognizant of the fact that the chips and pop I’m eating are solely for the purpose of stuffing my feelings. I’m barely tasting them, although my husband made sure to grab my favourites.
The reason I’m eating tonight?
My dad is in the hospital. He was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer last October. Stage four has a median life expectancy of 8 months. That was 5 months ago.
They did radiation on him, and it did shrink the tumors, but then he needed to have surgery on his stomach before he could start chemo. He finally had the surgery a couple weeks ago.
He’s not bouncing back as well as he should have. The cancer is taking over. The doctor hinted that he may not leave the hospital.
My stepmom told the doctor that if it came to that, he needs to be made comfortable, and sent home.
I told her that if she needed me, I’d be there. I may have to use holiday time, but I’ll be there. I get the feeling that I will be needed.
I’m am hoping, I am praying, that his stubborness comes through and that he pulls through.
But tonight, I am eating, and stuffing the fear that my Dad won’t live to this summer.
Its not working.