There’s something incredibly humiliating about not being able to shop for clothing.  About having to go to 2nd hand stores all the time and *hope* that someone as large as you lost weight and you can wear their castoffs.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against 2nd hand shopping – its the best when you have kids – you can buy in bulk because you know they’re going to wear out the clothes faster than you can replace them.   I’ve found numerous cute outfits for myself at 2nd hand stores.

But when you live in a town that caters to the 0-16 sizes…. finding something appropriate to wear is discouraging at best, and humiliating at worst.

I need new jeans.   I have 2 pair.  One is a pair that’s slightly too small, but fit perfectly after half an hour because they’ve stretched out.  Those jeans are of the pre-ripped, I’m too cool for the world variety.  They are not appropriate for the office on jeans’ days (Friday and Saturdays)

The other pair is the only pair I could find at Walmart that fit me properly… only they don’t – they’re petite, so they are slightly too short for me.   THESE jeans fit me perfectly for about 2 seconds when I put them on.  Then they can be slid on and off without undoing the buttons.  So not really comfortable to wear at the office.

We’re not going to get into office wear in this post… it amounts to the same thing.

But a perfect pair of jeans… regardless of size, if I find a perfect pair of jeans, I feel sexxy and confident and GOOD about myself.

I haven’t had a perfect pair of jeans in a few years.   I feel frumpy and sloppy and unattractive.

These are the moments when I look at my body and wonder… Liposuction?  Lap band surgery? Anorexia?

I won’t resort to extreme measures.  I am a firm believer in doing this the healthy way.  Eat healthy, exercise, and I will end up height and weight proportionate.   I won’t follow a “diet” or cut out a major food group to lose weight.  I won’t get on the latest fad bandwagon.   But it is oh so fucking tempting when I watch other people do it.

I know that the results will be skinny, but not healthy.  Fad diets will put my body into a state of shock, lower my resistance to whatever is going around and make me feel unhealthy.  But I’ll be skinny.

Today, I’m not feeling good about myself, or my body, or how I look.   Today, I just want to be skinny enough to buy a pair of jeans off the rack, from any store I choose.


About sunnyjane

On a journey of fitness, health and healing. One blog focuses primarily on health & fitness ( and the other is about my path through widowhood ( Life is a Journey. I'm learning to enjoy the ride.
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2 Responses to Clothing…

  1. Sharon says:

    MACY’s usually has great plus size jeans. I found some at Walmart this summer, that are my favorite (Just My Size). I think you can get some of them online, if you can get them in Canada. For work clothes, check out sometimes they have really good sales.

    I usually find something I like, but the local store only has it in a size too small or a size too big. I live in a HUGE city, and variety from store to store in the Plus size depts is still hit or miss. I have found myself traveling 45 min, because one store has twice the selection of the one 5 minutes or even 20 min from my house.

    This may sound racist, but I have found that if the store caters to a large Black community, they will have better and more plus sizes. I have noticed, that they are less worried about their size and demand nice fashionable clothes that fit.

  2. chaya says:

    what you need is a trip to Value Village…I find those “perfect” jeans in every size that I currently am and feel amazing… they are perfectly broken in and always make me feel great!!!
    as for the fad diets… have you thought about going vegetarian? its not a fad its a total lifestyle! I have been for years and will never look back. Watch Food Inc. or Earthlings … they are HUGE eye openers and totally changed the way I view food 🙂

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